My dear girl of around 15 years just went. I don't have any memories without her. I love her so much. I'm not sure I will make it. Last year around this time I lost my grandmother (raised me so I call her mom) due to family legally kidnapping her and sold her home while also evicting me. And now I lose the only thing I had left that I cared about. I had to sign the papers. I killed her. My mom didn't even get to be there. Only via the phone.
Update: I can't stop crying. I can't stop hyperventilating. I haven't ate or drank in over 24 hours now. What if she would have been fine. What if it was just a minor set back. What if she thinks I killed her over the first inconvenience. Why did i do it. I killed her. Why. She is my everything. How can I eat when she can't. How can I get sleep when she can't. How can I be happy without her.
I assume you mean that you euthanized her. If so, you did the right thing comrade. My cat's last months (she had a tumor in her gut) were absolutely brutal, she didn't eat so she lost a ton of weight, she was too weak to climb stuff, she didn't take care of herself etc. My parents didn't want to do it so she just suffered unnecessarily. You have to take care of yourself, she wouldn't want you to suffer like that, I am sure of it