Every American will be required to keep these on top of their internet routers, and preferably one taped to your forehead.
Your chakras are going to be so god damned balanced, let me tell you right now. You will decalcify the fuck out of your pineal gland and do daily coffee enemas.
My friend bought his ex-wife one of these once because she's into Reiki healing and stares into the sun as there's a conspiracy telling us not to, she told him it was the wrong kind of epoxy pyramid crystal to protect them from 5G rays coming out of the internet router.