Like, I'm AMAB but don't really identify with whatever "being a man" is supposed to mean in this society, but have no idea where to go from there.
I do get mildly dysphoric the more masculine I feel I'm being perceived as, but still want to use he/him pronouns because while those aren't that great of a match, none of the other options feel any better and it's what I'm used to.
I was already presenting how I wanted to present, and that's mildly androgynous, so it feels like coming out to myself hasn't really changed much of anything, and that's giving me imposter syndrome type intrusive thoughts when I think about telling other people I'm non-binary.
Also, I'm autistic, and at times it's incredibly hard to separate that from my gender. Anyone else have this problem? Often I'm not sure to what degree my not identifying with "being a man" is informed by a non-binary gender or if it's me just not being compatible with common neurotypical attitudes on gender. Maybe it's a little of both
Anyway sorry for the rambling post, just wanted to gather my thoughts
I feel you on this one. Maybe it's because so many of the ways of "being a man" in American society are super toxic or just feel kinda gross to me. Maybe it's because my usual instinct is to not draw attention to myself, and a lot of masculine gender performance is about being big, loud, scary, and ignorant. Maybe it's because I resent how capitalism has made products like shampoo or waffles into gendered varieties where you have to buy the product that's "For Men" that has fighter jets and grizzly bears on the packaging (although those waffles with the bears on the box are kinda good, ngl).
More of my thoughts here from a similar thread.