I'm not sure I've ever known and am not certain I will. I can be happy in a moment, but that goes away. Meds help me shrug it off, and I don't tend to dwell on existential shit like this for long, but like...I dunno that I was cut out for this world, yo.
Also this isn't a cry for help and im not particularly sad or upset right now, I was just walking one of the pups and thought to myself "if I can't be happy I'm gonna make sure these fuckers are."
I suspect people who say they feel happy most of the time are lying, or built different (in the brain, with the chemicals and whatnot)
They slurped up all the feel good chemicals leaving us with mere morsels. It's like how I cannot fathom that there are people out there who aren't constantly thinking about everything all at once at every hour of the day. That their brains can be quiet just does not make sense to me at all.
Well at least us saddies are supposed to be smart and/or artists or whatever the stereotype is