I'm not sure I've ever known and am not certain I will. I can be happy in a moment, but that goes away. Meds help me shrug it off, and I don't tend to dwell on existential shit like this for long, but like...I dunno that I was cut out for this world, yo.
Also this isn't a cry for help and im not particularly sad or upset right now, I was just walking one of the pups and thought to myself "if I can't be happy I'm gonna make sure these fuckers are."
Like, do you mean just wandering around head full of bliss all day? Like if you're not having that, then it doesn't properly count as happy? People have a wide range of emotions, they all count and all are pretty important. It's not good to walk around feeling unrelenting sadness or rage or happiness or boredom or whatever - unless circumstances warrant it I suppose, I'd feel sad for quite long if someone close to me passed away suddenly.
There's times, even at my darkest and lowest, where I'd have a breather or moment and feel pretty content and happy. And I'd lay down and just feel it, sometimes my old cat would come and cuddle and that'd be pretty good. It would go away, but would come back now and again.
Happiness as a state of being is probably more about the active work of having a community of people you love and trust, supporting eachother (mutually), things coming at ease, not challengeless or without failures but where those challenges can be met with effort and help and those failures aren't scarring and only help you grow and learn. And in smaller things, like your puppies, or gardening, or cooking for friends or family or a lover, etc. And probably growing into the person you want to be, when you're alone and thinking about how you want to act in the world being more like that person is probably some kind of happiness.
Thanks for sharing! Just something I've been ruminating on with my therapist. Gonna go give the dogs a hug