CW Rant with some discussion of familial trauma, religion, mention of substance use
I drove over 6 hours to see them and be present for the holidays and they went out of their way to cross my boundaries and make me uncomfortable. I didn’t want to be rude when they put me on the spot so I read the verses they wanted to humor them, but then they asked me to lead a fuckin prayer. They are aware I’m an atheist and resent that fact; I try to respect their beliefs but they push theirs onto me like this. I said a short prayer to get out of this whole situation and my mom started crying and smiling huge like I was just converted. Feel so weird and gross about this. They roped my partner into participating too and they’re of the same mind as me on these things so it made us both uncomfortable and anxious.
This incident was just icing on the cake of a trip full of my emotionally abusive mother starting constant arguments, my family trying to get me to drink knowing I’m sober, and being around my siblings one of whom is I’ll just say an abusive shithead. I don’t think I’ll bother going next year. I recall vividly why I was hyped to move out and why I don’t call more often. The neglect, manipulation, and abuse of years in that household all came flowing back. No wonder i deal with so much mental health shit lol
Edit: sorry if initial phrasing doesn’t convey the reason the prayer got me but it’s because I left Christianity due to the institutional abuses I experienced and witnessed, not just because I’m not religious these days. I just got put on the spot and due to family history went fight or flight and compromised my needs to get out of there asap. Really just needed to vent abt this didn’t want to spark confusion or debate sorry
Sorry for the rant just wanted to vent to my cool internet stranger friends
Fuck that. Sorry they pulled that manipulative BS on you.
I hope you can articulate clear boundaries that they will respect in the future, I think you're within your rights to demand that respect or decline to visit until you get assurances.
The combo of wacky religious conviction and also trying to undermine your sobriety is fucking wild tho. That's not a version of Christian asshole I've encountered before.
I appreciate that ty for your comment. Yeah it’s a combo of my dad being an ex pastor and my mom being raised in what she herself described as a Christian cult that she recently rejoined, giving the evangelical vibes, and my mother being an alcohol abuser since I was a child.
I’m sober because of what alcohol did and does to my family, but I’ve never articulated that to them. I think my parents are aware enough to recognize their own alcohol abuse and its impacts though, and they take me rejecting alcohol entirely as a slight at them for that so defensively try to change me instead of reflecting. It’s a weird dynamic
Honestly that seems like a very charitable and insightful understanding of them. I can tell they matter a lot to you.
If you haven't tried a firm but polite refusal they might be concerned enough about decorum for that to stop them in the moment? I've known people like this who are very intent on the appearance of politeness and harmony. But you know them better than me.
Whatever the case please protect yourself and your partner. If they can manipulate you into doing something like this they could maybe get you to do other things you would regret.
You’ve got good intuition there they certainly value that outward image highly. And yeah after all this I decided we should leave early. I want a good relationship with my family in the abstract but need to have my boundaries respected first, and they’re not willing to do that without a fight right now. Thank you for your insight and concern, it means a lot