My last crushpost got a little weird. They usually don’t get much attention, and what little there is I think is usually men. So this thread should be a good opportunity for women and enbies to bring up what you find problematic.
Update:
Thanks everyone for responding. I have read all the replies and am giving them serious consideration. I will stop crushposting, I deleted all the posts, and deleted the meat of this post as well. Weird or not, however obfuscated, it’s still an obsession and a privacy concern.
I haven't heard of "crush posting" until this stuff but I feel the main issue is just posting this online. I'm pretty sure people think about people they like a lot more than we want to admit, it's just when it becomes a publicly viewed thing it starts giving weird vibes. Probably because it's publicly accessible and approaches a breach of said target of affection's privacy.
tbh the privacy concerns are the big thing that's giving me pause (as a resident big time crush/romance poster). it might be something to put to bed purely on these grounds sadly. because yeah like...people like to talk about people they like, it's a pretty cute and innocent and a natural thing across gender lines. and chapochat feels like an actual community where we do like to get to know each other beyond usernames. but when you're bringing a third party into it who isn't aware, idk, even if you try to fudge details it can create an ethically murky area.
It's something that's generally ok with friends I think. But yeah, if I can give advice, stop posting about it online without their permission and ask about their sexuality directly and stuff (not in a creepy way but a blunt way).
If I can give further advice, I wouldn't bother trying to date people only attracted to one gender if you're questioning your identity. Both cis straight people and cis gay people can be transphobic (and enbyphobic) as fuck and it's not worth touching it. Even trans cis and trans gay people can be painful to date sometimes, it's just usually less intentionally painful. Bi and pan people is where the good dating is at if you're genderqueer in any way that isn't the default "born this way" narrative IMO.
If she does turn out to only like women, it's ALWAYS better to just let it go and just be friends. Not only is it weird to continue to pursue her past that point, but you have to realize you deserve better than people who aren't attracted to you.