So almost three weeks ago I asked my boss about an accommodation at work (I didn’t phrase it this way but they immediately knew that’s what it is). It’s a totally reasonable request imo and has a minuscule cost. Boss says they are fine with it and will talk to HR. Fast forward to today and I see the HR rep for the first time since then. I follow up with them about it and my boss never even brought it up with the rep 🫠

Apparently I need to wait another couple weeks due to logistical stuff. I guess it needs to go through the business owner too which has completely tanked any confidence I had in this, because this person is super ableist and has stood in the way of my efforts here several times before (even when it literally didn’t affect them at all). Just feeling really pessimistic.

Ventpost? Ventpost.

I’m feeling totally worthless.

No matter how many jobs I apply to I can’t ever land a single one, and I haven’t even started an actual career I’ve just been in freefall since I graduated college because the best I can get is seasonal, minimum wage jobs.

I’m a humanities guy in a world where humanities is completely irrelevant and literally everyone and their mother knows libraries more than I ever will. Every employer only wants STEM, every other gen Z has the spark of STEM except for me.

I have to waste my life bedrotting because no one wants to hire me and I’m stuck watching social media on how everyone is having so much fun without me.

I have no idea what I even want to do with my life and never did. Nothing appeals to me at all, so any job I’ll hate and any hobby I will inevitably get bored of. I’m not like normal people who can just be obsessed with their jobs and their hobbies and do literally nothing else and then just die.

I don’t know how much of it is autism, but why is everything so equally appealing and unappealing at the same time? Like at the end of the day, I just want to be happy, have a job that lets me express myself, some friends, a partner, and a hobby. But I’m not even allowed to even have one of those things.

I didnt used to do much outside of school/work and now that I am doing more, I'm remembering why I didn't do much before.

Being disabled put so many limits on my life that I got so used to, I stopped noticing they were there because i never did anything. Now that my depression is better, I'm dealing with a body that just can't do what everyone else's can

Since we did a book club on Unmasking Autism … recently(?) [checks notes … a year ago ] I figured I’d try to catch up. I’m only half a chapter in but it’s seems pretty good.

Work talk: So for some fucking reason, I'm doing good at my job. The problem is that it's not a career job. There are no benefits and no savings option. They just fired a bunch of drivers that weren't doing great and kept me on even though I was supposed to just be temp. I guess it's something. Solidarity for those that got let go.

Story time: I accidentally ratted on a co-worker years ago and got him fired over a dumb joke and ever since I've made it a workplace mantra to just not rat out people. They can be the shittiest workers but I won't say shit. I feel really bad for that guy getting canned and not just because he was my pill guy. So, solidarity. We all need to eat.

Switching gears. I got 2 days off starting today but I also work 4 days this week. I told my boss at the beginning that I only wanted 3. I'm not making a big deal about it now because the extra day makes up for only getting 2 days last week. I'm gonna tell bossmain that I only want 3 days going forward unless he absolutely needs me for a 4th. Like if we are short people or someone quits/gets fired, I can pick up an extra shift. I'm old and my body can't take 4 days.

Ok, ulterior motive is that I'm working on my web stuff, I am onboarded for a volunteer open source mobile app project, and I am working on starting my PSL branch which now includes a book club. All that on top of parental duties and house chores has now filled up all my time. So 3 days for now seems

Tism Talk:

I went to a Lego convention with my partner, kids, and in-laws and got so overwhelmed with the amount of people there that I left 20 minutes in and sat in the car crying, listing to stimmy music, and trying to calm down. Never cried for over-stimulation before so that was new.

Went to the kinesiologist for my first session, my back and neck hurt specially when I lay horizontally. He proceed to tell me to lay horizontally and zapped my back for and hour while he chatted with his coworkers in another room. Now it's 6am and my back and neck are still very sore...

I forgot to never trust a doctor's judgment.

I'm gonna have a good chat with him at the next session. It appears like I didn't explain myself clearly.

oh boy finally off work, now i can relax with my favorite activity: arguing with assholes on the internet

for real though i’m glad i’m almost home. hope you all had/have a nice day

Wishing all my comrades a wonderful week. Stay safe, stay awesome

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