Hit me up with some horrible 2 sentence horror stories

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I made it illegal to be straight when I took over the world

but I was straight so I went to jail

Money for sale. Never used.

“It okay if I do this?”

“It’s fine.”

All my apes, gone.

My slurp juices, worthless.

I'm playing D&D today!

New Message: Session is cancelled.

I farted.

It's actually poo.

Today I will post my love of outdoor cats on the bear site.

Oh no, what did I do, stop.

In the beginning, God said "Let their be light"

But then God said, "Let there be pee"

I thought my night couldn't get any worse as I ran from the zombie-vampire-pirate. Then the clouds parted to reveal a full moon.

And so the mods shut chapo.chat down.

As a joke.

The driver, a guy I grew up with, a friend I trusted implicitly assured me "Dont worry, I got this-"

Bottom text.

I wake up to my poo in the bed. No, it’s our poo in the bed.