I am not saying this to be provocative. Every now and then I think about this and I scorn myself for it, but there is another part of me that feels that this likely isn’t as big of a deal as I think.
I have never been a hardcore antisemite who accused Jews of being behind world domination or anything like that, but on at least a few occasions I have made antisemitic remarks, both intentional and unintentional.
[Examples]
I remember that over a decade ago I was watching somebody play a computer game (can’t remember which) where the player could pick up a cross as a weapon, and I joked, ‘It must be for scaring Jews.’ (I know that you couldn’t see it, but merely typing that made me cringe.)
But I also acted antisemitic unintentionally, like when a woman told me that she was Jewish I said that it was ‘a shock’, which clearly felt off‐putting for her.
There was also a somewhat more recent incident where I tried to amuse an acquaintance by writing a quote attributed to Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, ‘For a Jew nothing is more offensive than the truth.’ I then wrote a list of facts to him (‘water boils at 211.95 ℉’, & cetera), and asked him if he felt offended. Unfortunately, he didn’t get it and he at first thought that I was being completely serious. He then seemed calm and maybe forgiving after I explained my intent, but I’m still embarrassed that my attempt at humor fell so flat.
There were likely a few more remarks that I made, but I can’t unforget them at the moment. Except for one joke that I made that is hard for me to explain due to the software involved.
Maybe I am being overly optimistic here, but if I’m being honest, Jews who know anything about me probably don’t care if I made a few lousy jokes about them years ago, not only because I’ve done better things since then but also because I know now that what I said was wrong.
Maybe if I were formerly an outright white nationalist they’d either feel nervous around me or shun me, but if I only behaved inappropriately a few times, and I know now that I shouldn’t have done that, then I’m guessing that it really isn’t a big deal. At all.
I'd say you need to investigate why you did that, what your intention behind it is/was, and work on yourself to figure out how to overcome the challenge you face of relying on stereotypes.
I was never a conservative, per se, but as a kid and early teen, I thought racist/sexist humor was hilarious in certain contexts, not because I believed them, but because I they were, to me, absurd. The punchline for me wasn't "haha, blackness" or "lol woman," so much as it was "did you hear that ridiculous thing? Isn't it hilarious, specifically because it would be unfathomably stupid to believe it?" It seems like your joke about the truth being offensive may have been meant in this way?
It's a dark stain for me, I don't like it, and despite understanding that I didn't actually believe those things, I needed to investigate about myself, and realize that despite not thinking any of those things were true, I was perpetuating things that some people genuinely do believe, and that is harmful as fuck. Actually learning that some people legitimately held those beliefs changed my opinion about just how humorous those jokes were. It makes me feel deep regret, and it genuinely makes me scared someone is going to find my old Myspace account.
All that to say, yes. It's wrong that you did, it's wrong if you continue to do so, and regardless of the intent behind those sorts of remarks, they are harmful. They perpetuate harmful stereotypes, and can be hurtful to people in ways both intended and unintended. Buck up, do the self work, and be better. You can do it. Clearly you already want to. That's one of the things about being on the left, unlearning a lifetime of bullshit. It's not something that happens, it's a constant education, a constant unlearning and relearning. Heck, I've been an anarcho-communist for nearly a decade and I just found out a year ago that the G-word for the Roma people is a slur. We had a dog with that name. I've used that word my whole life, and never once meant harm by it. But harm it could have, and possibly did, cause. But now I know, I have learned, and moving forward, I will make changes. That's the goal here. Pobody's nerfect, but you gotta be willing to do the work, and not make excuses for past actions, and not make the same mistakes again.
yeah this is a weird post, of course it's not good that you were antisemitic at one point, especially making intentional remarks???
edit: like seriously you're normally an incredible member of the community, is this actually you? are you ok???
No, I’m not okay. I’m tired. I’ve been depressed for at least seventeen years now and it distorts my perception of reality. Same with my obsessive–compulsive disorder, which causes me to dwell on previous interactions a lot. I don’t know if that explains anything, but it isn’t meant to be an excuse; I don’t have a good excuse.
Uhh… to be honest I’m kind of embarrassed now that I made this thread and I am tempted to delete it.
Yes, we are gonna care. Please don't make antisemetic remarks.
I thought the title says "... if I make antisemetic remarks" so I responded according to that. Sorry about that. I just meant that yoi shouldn't make them. Doing it out of habit is no excuse either but you probably know that already.
how old are you? what the fuck?
We all say dumb shit before we learn why, and then we learn and we grow and we better ourselves. what?
sounds weird and worth investigating, but if it's not a problem anymore it's not a problem anymore
