I like to keep it positive when it comes to other people. But I can be very hard on myself. I don't know why I do it. I guess I'm depressed. Normally I use humor as a coping mechanism but that's not really working right now.
I haven't really been posting here much lately. I just couldn't get the energy to log on or even have an idea worth sharing. But I do really like this place and I want to share some positive energy because I'm tired of feeling destructive. So, hey, you reading this, I like you. You are valuable. You are worth something to yourself and others. I guess this is kind of an "imposition" because I'm asking you to be happy when I'm not. But it will make me happy to know you are okay. I care about you all. I'm just feeling down and the only thing I ever had that picked me up was other people. I can't do it on my own, despite my stubborness insisting I can. I guess that's why I was always inclined towards socialism; I knew I couldn't go it alone and caring for other people was the only way I could legitimately care about myself. "Rational self interest" and all that jazz.
So, hey, if you're going through something, or you know somebody going through something, you can reply in this thread or DM me. I'm not a licensed therapist or anything like that but maybe it would help if you just typed out a few words, as I am doing right now. Helps keep the thoughts in order.
The internet is the worst place ever created but it's places like Hexbear that somewhat redeem this whole sorry enterprise. I have seen so much care and kindness here. Y'all give me hope. I'm kinda ranting but I just wanted you to know that after 3 years this was the only place I could go to where I could tell my dumb jokes and indulge in serious conversation about theory and politics without bad faith. It's nice! And it's refreshing. Keep doing what you're doing.
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Real talk, I took a 9 month grass-touching break because even just posting on Hexbear wasn't something I had the capacity for. This time last year, I was a few weeks away from having a breakdown from anxiety that had built up and built up over the past few years until all of a sudden I could not cope. I wasn't sure if I could continue doing my job or even if being alive was that great a prospect.
A year on, after medication, which I was always extremely reluctant to try, and therapy, I'm tremendously proud of the progress I've made, even if I'm not all the way to where I want to be.
Anyhow, if anyone is having a really rough time out there, just know you're not permanently fucked, even if it feels that way
It helps to hear this from time to time, thank you