I am traumogenic (trauma created/clinical DID) plural system. It is highly likely that I never had a "core personality" that I was born as and instead have always had either an infant mental state or multiple personalities. (During the time most babies begin to form a coherent personality, I formed several. It is possible that not every system forms like this but highly like I did)
Every time I've felt I was singular, I've experienced mental walls, amnesia and other DID symptoms. If someone could do a "I'm singular ama" that'd be cool because I have questions too. :)
I haven't been able to find any clinical study of such a thing, but I think I have something related to DID, but different? I think it may be a spiritual thing however.
Have lots of trauma, somehow have only tried to kill myself once. When that happened I got an alter or something like that. It's a personality that gets very angry if I try to do extremely reckless things, which I often wish to. I think he fronted and didn't allow me to go through with anything, but the whole incident was so confusing I'm not entirely sure what happened. If the thought of suicide comes up he is very insistent that is not going to happen because he doesn't wanna die and isn't gonna let me take him with him.
If I have classic DID symtoms they are mild and infrequent enough I don't really notice them. I had a sort of disassociated episode where I don't really remember what happened other than running from the cops at one point, but that was years ago.
I don't remember ever struggling over who gets to front, this personality never really wants to take over, especially not during normal daily life outside of times of crisis.
I hate to push this on someone and be like "hey be my doctor pls", but any thoughts on this? This guy in my head just tells me not to worry about it, but I feel like I should learn more about what is going on.
Hey, so every system is different. Fighting for front is an occurrence that can happen but not always and when it does happen it means the system needs to do more internal work.
I'm highly inclined to side with the notion that you should learn more. This alter sounds like a very protective one and may be of the mindset that saying it isn't a big deal will protect you from getting an increase in symptoms.
OSDD and the subtypes of it tend to exist to diagnosis people who don't fit the full blown DID criteria. The term plural is a non clinical term and is an umbrella for those who desire to claim it (not every system does) There is the plural association and there is also the "hearing voices movement" which can be inclusive of plurality and people who believe this is due to spirituality. Nothing you said surprises me personally but as someone who is not your doctor I can't do much besides refer you to other resources. "Coping with trauma related disassocation" is a book for both patients and therapists.
Some trauma treatments such as ERDM can actually worsen DID and OSDD in people who aren't largely integrated. It is good to know what is going on because some treatments that work for complex non system based trauma can cause bigger issues for systems.
The Plural Association is having a web conference soon for plurals, they are fundraising to make a "warmline" (Basically a non crisis peer support hotline) there are "voice and vision support groups" that exist, there is also the concept of ego states for complex ptsd. The ISSTD has a list of member therapists. Are these good resources? Let me know if you want other ones. I can't treat or diagnose but I can point you in some directions.
Knowing the hearing voices movement exists is very helpful, thank you. I always felt very alone in this because this has never been an issue for me, but also it's not something I've heard about or is treated as normal so it's just this part of my life I feel like I can't really tell people about.
Various forms of voice hearing is way more common than people talk about but there is a lot of stigma. People who have schizophrenia actually have better treatment outcomes in "the third world" than in the "first world" (generalization) because often times those societies accept that voice hearing is a part of the human experience for many people as opposed to something shameful or wrong