Yeah used to have the same issue, my general thoughts:
-I ended up hanging out a lot with another guy who was really good at reacting to stuff and it kind of rubbed off. I just started faking not knowing stuff. Showing interest in other people never really worked for me, because I feel like sometimes at can come across as being desperate or "needy" for interaction, which scares people who are just trying to vibe or whatever. So yeah, just find a laid back dumbass-adjacent person (real or fake) and try and channel them. start throwing in filler words like "no way" "fucking guy" "yeah, he would." Those are probably goofy examples but yeah that vibe. Basically I feel like it's easier sometimes to get people to talk without putting in (or feeling comfortable/able to put in) a lot of effort yourself if you just fill the "no way lol" soundboard role. Which sounds demeaning, but if it works then people think you're chill and everything else is a lot easier.
-It's easier said than done, but just not caring as much lol. Like when you care about having things to say and not being invisible, it can work against you, because you become too self-aware of every comment you were too slow on giving and all the dead-space in one on one convos. Of course if you care to little then you're just blackpilled and wont really solve the situation either. Basically just acknowledging that sometimes it's just not gonna happen, and if you dont let on that you're disappointed then sometimes you wont actually feel disappointed. Or maybe I'm just toxic lol.
-if possible finding super low stakes conversations that you wont care how they go. Like for me I kinda got roped into a volunteering opportunity in my late teens/early college years where I ended up talking a lot with people who were a adults/old folks. I ended up getting a lot of chances to just kind of vibe and have low stakes convos, but because they weren't really my peers, and I didn't totally care what they thought of me, there wasn't any beating myself up afterwards. Basically just getting a muscle memory for conversations, building up filler words and phrases that signal your casually interested but not "needing" a conversation or trying to make something happen. And like it's okay to have needs, I think it's easier in casual IRL convos to act like you dont lol.
-if you feel stuck in a rut with a particular group your around a lot, it's okay to just kinda give up on it for a but as long as you try and get practice somewhere else.
But yeah idk what the fuck I'm really talking about, basically it sucks but in my case faking it and developing a sort of "laid back big lebowski" vibe did end up kind of working out. And in the long run I think it kind of helped, like being in your position forces you to think a lot harder than people who never have trouble carrying on a conversation, so once you do eventually get comfortable I think you'll have an edge.
Yeah used to have the same issue, my general thoughts:
-I ended up hanging out a lot with another guy who was really good at reacting to stuff and it kind of rubbed off. I just started faking not knowing stuff. Showing interest in other people never really worked for me, because I feel like sometimes at can come across as being desperate or "needy" for interaction, which scares people who are just trying to vibe or whatever. So yeah, just find a laid back dumbass-adjacent person (real or fake) and try and channel them. start throwing in filler words like "no way" "fucking guy" "yeah, he would." Those are probably goofy examples but yeah that vibe. Basically I feel like it's easier sometimes to get people to talk without putting in (or feeling comfortable/able to put in) a lot of effort yourself if you just fill the "no way lol" soundboard role. Which sounds demeaning, but if it works then people think you're chill and everything else is a lot easier.
-It's easier said than done, but just not caring as much lol. Like when you care about having things to say and not being invisible, it can work against you, because you become too self-aware of every comment you were too slow on giving and all the dead-space in one on one convos. Of course if you care to little then you're just blackpilled and wont really solve the situation either. Basically just acknowledging that sometimes it's just not gonna happen, and if you dont let on that you're disappointed then sometimes you wont actually feel disappointed. Or maybe I'm just toxic lol.
-if possible finding super low stakes conversations that you wont care how they go. Like for me I kinda got roped into a volunteering opportunity in my late teens/early college years where I ended up talking a lot with people who were a adults/old folks. I ended up getting a lot of chances to just kind of vibe and have low stakes convos, but because they weren't really my peers, and I didn't totally care what they thought of me, there wasn't any beating myself up afterwards. Basically just getting a muscle memory for conversations, building up filler words and phrases that signal your casually interested but not "needing" a conversation or trying to make something happen. And like it's okay to have needs, I think it's easier in casual IRL convos to act like you dont lol.
-if you feel stuck in a rut with a particular group your around a lot, it's okay to just kinda give up on it for a but as long as you try and get practice somewhere else.
But yeah idk what the fuck I'm really talking about, basically it sucks but in my case faking it and developing a sort of "laid back big lebowski" vibe did end up kind of working out. And in the long run I think it kind of helped, like being in your position forces you to think a lot harder than people who never have trouble carrying on a conversation, so once you do eventually get comfortable I think you'll have an edge.
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