Sitting at work rn on break and having a rough one. Since lockdown has started, it feels like all I do is wake up for class, go to work, then sleep. I truly feel like I am not existing for myself, and I have never felt more alienated from the people and things I love. I try to play music to produce something just for myself, and that helps, but I always have the crushing dread of knowing what a horrible oppressive system we live in. My tiny Canadian city had an antimask rally today and I honestly think that was the final straw for my hopefulness. I just feel like all I'm allowed to do in this world is be a consumer , everyone seems to suck and despite me being typically optimistic, I truly think we may be helpless now.
Being a member of an org is kind of invaluable to me. It means having a lot less free time and sometimes being exhausted but that is my connection to likeminded people in real life and the international struggle. Without it I would just feel incredibly restless and prone to bouts of doomerism.