Sitting at work rn on break and having a rough one. Since lockdown has started, it feels like all I do is wake up for class, go to work, then sleep. I truly feel like I am not existing for myself, and I have never felt more alienated from the people and things I love. I try to play music to produce something just for myself, and that helps, but I always have the crushing dread of knowing what a horrible oppressive system we live in. My tiny Canadian city had an antimask rally today and I honestly think that was the final straw for my hopefulness. I just feel like all I'm allowed to do in this world is be a consumer , everyone seems to suck and despite me being typically optimistic, I truly think we may be helpless now.
Masturbation. I'm only half-joking. It's free, harmless, makes me feel good for a little bit, doesn't take too much time as long as I only do it once a day, and reminds me that I have a physical body capable of feeling pleasure without directly participating in the marketplace (I don't look at porn when I masturbate, and I suspect it would make me feel a bit more like a consumer "cog in the machine" if I did.)
If you have someone in your life who will have sex with you, I suspect that would work too. But I have to work with what I have.