So I have a ton of phone anxiety among other issues with communication.
I have a friend who only calls and wants to talk on the phone. No warning, just I get a ring and then he leaves a voicemail if I miss it. I can't access my voicemails on my phone anyway.
I've been working through some serious stuff in my personal life and I just don't have the bandwidth to hold these impromptu conversations anymore. If he texts, I'll text back. However, it's gotten to the point where I out and out told him that I have a lot of anxiety about talking on the phone and that if he just texts me and gives me a time to talk, I can figure out a time to catch up.
I've brought it up another time where I was dealing some anxiety and he said it in almost a mocking way that I have issues with talking on the phone.
We've talked since and I'm busy again and he keeps calling. I respond to his texts, but he's only sent one in the last few weeks.
I dunno. I feel like I was clear that I'm willing to talk, but I think I've set a fair boundary. Thoughts?
You set a boundary, asserted your own needs, and they are not respecting them to the point where they are mocking you for doing so.
Red flags.
You're not asking them to understand why you aren't up for random phonecalls. You aren't seeking empathy from them. You're just setting down what you need from them in a very reasonable way.
If they need to talk, that's fine, but you need them to give you a heads-up to make time for their phonecalls, that's also fine. Friendships are about reciprocity and compromise. Compromise doesn't mean "You need to compromise on your own needs to accommodate mine" btw.
I hate having to pivot out of whatever I'm doing since it's so hard to get started on things for me. It's not even fun talking on the phone, let alone for 45 minutes
Even you didn’t have phone anxiety issues, you’ve got a life, you’ve got things to deal with, so you can’t always drop everything you’re doing at a moment’s notice. There’s something very narcissistic about this expectation that they can call someone and immediately become that person’s center of attention for the next however many minutes.
That's true. In general, I haven't had to set a boundary with other friends and I call back when I can. I'm seeing how unhealthy the friendship is and it's reassuring that people are responding as they are here. Thanks!
Thank you. You have a pretty good perspective on the dynamic we have going. I think I've evaluated the friendship enough, and I think it's time to start figuring out how to end it and give us both closure
i totally relate to this. I'm way too biased to give an objective answer. just that this sort of thing really sucks especially when people refuse to respect it. i've cut people out of my life over them not respecting this.
my partner prefers calls and has fair reasoning for that preference. its been challenging.
