In short, I'm miserable, lonely, and broke. I need to get the fuck out of California and into someplace with rent less than $1000 a month. I also need to find a job that gets me like $25 an hour. I'm good at data entry and formwork and I have a really great voice I have no idea what to do with. I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing and I suck ass at all the important parts of being a person, and all the people who try to help me can't help me or I don't get it because I got the full power of the spectrum radiating inside of my forebrain and it's fucking me up.
I've tried budgeting with spreadsheets and it doesn't work for me. I've tried looking for work but it's a brand new hell every time I open the browser. I hate this. I fucking hate that mental illness fucked me up when I was supposed to figure out my life and now that I'm finding a bit of peace within myself I still have to contend with all the things everyone else has to do and recognizes as shitty but somehow get done while I just suck ass at everything.
Help me.
Tbh I think that is part of it. I've been working regularly for like 20 years and I've never had a job last more than 3 years, which I'm assuming is not long at all. Usually I think I get really restless and bored of the job if there isn't a lot of creative control/variation in it. after a time I start to self sabotage. It's baffling to me how people can keep the same work for decades, I don't think I could do that if I tried. Can I ask what you're doing now?
This particular job is extremely stressful as I work with unhoused folks with SPMI/substance use issues who are often in the middle of crisis when they come to us. I could tell I was burning out after the first year, and switched to more of a case management position which is chiller and more flexible but I dint think I've recovered. My autistic symptoms seem to have just gotten worse and worse over the years and seem to get better in spats, but then gets worse. I CANNOT keep a routine as hard as I try to. So I've finally just said fuck it.
I totally have heard that 3 week thing before. IMO, 3 weeks is the BARE MINIMUM for a neurodivergent person to just start to gain enough energy to function again if they are in autistic burnout. Probably great for NT folks though. I feel like there isn't space for actual recovery in the way that we are expected to function in the world. It's fucked.
Are you me haha? Seeing some people who have stayed at one company for decades is baffling, I don't know how anyone can do it.
I work in a relatively cushy office job doing sales which adds a lot of dissonance on top of the burnout. It should be, and is, an easy job, especially for the money, and hearing the struggles of others making significantly less makes me wish I could just give them my job. I know other people would be able to do it just as well with no prior experience, appreciate the income more than I do, and keep up with the work. You pretty much hit the nail on the head for me. Most of these places are very specific about how you go about your job, or at least where I've been, and you'd think the constant variation in new customers would be a nice variation, but it ends up being the same scripts, cycles, and products day in and out and at the end of every month, you've done nothing beneficial for the world and have created nothing. It's made me realize my privilege in not being motivated by money more than anything.
My partner used to do something similar and it took a pretty hefty toll on them. I'm always amazed at how people are able to keep up working in jobs like those in our society. The pay disparity alone between them and me is a clear indication of how sick we are as a society.
I went to try and find that study now and the search results are now a combination of "it's actually good to take short vacations" and "bosses, don't let your employees take too long of a vacation"
I mean I can definitely see how your job would feel excruciating at times lol. If only we could have the long term hyperfocus flavor of neurodivergence....sigh
Also of course that's what your search engine spits out lol. I don't know if it's just me, but I definitely feel like my searches have definitely been more insidious and boot-licky lately, no matter how specific my search query gets
It'd certainly make things easier!
Yeah I have noticed a lot of the same. Trying to find any left or anti-corporate source has become a significant effort if you don't know exactly the title of the page. At this point I've had better luck searching my browsing history if I know I've read it