I went to a gay nightclub and most of the night I just stood there not talking to anyone (for the third night in a row). But when I was about to leave I managed to compliment a guy’s top. He said thanks then we didn’t really interact anymore.

As I was leaving, I noticed him standing outside, so I went and asked if he was waiting for a ride (to make sure he was alright I guess? I don’t really know why I did it tbh). He said yeah a friend was coming to pick him up.

But then he asked me for my Snapchat or Instagram, I told him I could give my phone number (I don’t have either of those apps) and he handed me his phone to put my number in the messages app and message myself so I get his number. I told him my name and he told me his.

Then I just sort of went back to my car and left. I have no idea what to do next. We didn’t really talk or anything, everything I said above is the entirety of my interactions with him. So we don’t know anything about each other.

So what do I do? Did I walk away too early? What do I text him? Try to get to know him over text? How would I even start that? Or just ask to meet up at a coffee shop or something? How do I not sound desperate? Do I need to wait 3 days or whatever social rule bullshit exists? Did he just exchange numbers to humor me to get me to go away?

I have literally no experience with any of this, but I do have crippling social anxiety.

  • edge [he/him]
    ·
    1 year ago

    So how long do I wait to give up hope on getting a reply to my first message?

    I assume it’s not a good idea to send another message?

    Why would he ask for my phone number if he didn’t want to talk?

    Also, I don’t think I’ve said it yet, so thank you for the advice.

    • ReadFanon [any, any]M
      ·
      1 year ago

      So how long do I wait to give up hope on getting a reply to my first message?

      Hard to say. They might even take a couple of days to respond.

      I assume it’s not a good idea to send another message?

      I wouldn't send another message because it won't go over well.

      Why would he ask for my phone number if he didn’t want to talk?

      Sometimes people can be drunk/high/impulsive or occasionally even just in it for the ego boost (for themselves or to brag about to others) or to make someone else jealous.

      Some people play games, unfortunately.

      Also, I don’t think I’ve said it yet, so thank you for the advice.

      You're most welcome!

      I have had a deep interest in communication since I was a kid and I'm high masking and late diagnosed so I've been deep in neurotypical culture like some unqualified field anthropologist for my entire life and because of that I feel like I have a reasonable grasp on neurotypical culture by this point in my life and I'm just happy to be able to share my insight into it.

      (I get how frustrating it can be when you ask a neurotypical person why you should/shouldn't do something and the only response you get is "...because!"; sometimes it takes an outsider who doesn't implicitly grasp what's going on so instead they have to learn the rules by trial & error and careful observation to be able to articulate what's going on. Sorta like how if you ask a native speaker why something is said the way it is and they'll tell you "Because that's how you're supposed to say it" but a non-native speaker will be more likely to tell you about irregular conjugation of verbs or hypercorrection or that sort of thing since they had to learn the rules consciously rather than on autopilot.)