(I've been struggling with phrasing and how I want to structure this whole post but that's starting to stress me out and I'm editing and re-edditing things so fuck it I'm just posting it and freeing myself)

I was explicitly blamed for 'ruining' several vacations throughout my childhood. As in, we'd pack up and head home and my parents would angrily tell me how I fucked everything up for everyone. Because I didn't handle a lot of what came with travel and amusement parks super well, especially waiting in lines, being overstimulated, and or just being bored in an unfamiliar or uncomfortable place, like the couple ski trips 'I ruined'

When I was first put on medication, we went to the pharmacy to get it and then when we got home my mom put it in the medicine cabinet and showed me where so I could take my medicine. The spot she decided to put it was in a tray labled "pain management" so being like 10-12 at the time, I took this to mean "okay, I'm a pain to be managed away". Now, the reason she put it there was because the rest of the cabinet was full and she didn't really think about it, certainly didn't realize that I would take it so harshly to heart, but yeah I was mad at myself for that for years.

One such time was when we went to Disney, right before bed for some reason I accidentally took my adderall when I meant to get an advil but went for my pill on autopilot. This result in me obviously not sleeping at all, tossing and turning in frustration and distress all night. My bunk was reaaally squeaky and my tossing and turning kept my whole family up. They made sure to share how thankful they were to me for my mistake

Hey mom&dad, maybe it's your fucking fault the vacation got ruined and not your young neurodiverse child's? No? Okay, you're right, I should just go fuck myself