I've always treasured the fact that I'm weird, and as such have lots of little fun memories that I think back to positively of times when I was a fun little weirdo, but those times are the exception not the rule of my childhood, I'm sure I'm not alone in that
incoherent ranting
(I've been struggling with phrasing and how I want to structure this whole post but that's starting to stress me out and I'm editing and re-edditing things so fuck it I'm just posting it and freeing myself)
I was explicitly blamed for 'ruining' several vacations throughout my childhood. As in, we'd pack up and head home and my parents would angrily tell me how I fucked everything up for everyone. Because I didn't handle a lot of what came with travel and amusement parks super well, especially waiting in lines, being overstimulated, and or just being bored in an unfamiliar or uncomfortable place, like the couple ski trips 'I ruined'
When I was first put on medication, we went to the pharmacy to get it and then when we got home my mom put it in the medicine cabinet and showed me where so I could take my medicine. The spot she decided to put it was in a tray labled "pain management" so being like 10-12 at the time, I took this to mean "okay, I'm a pain to be managed away". Now, the reason she put it there was because the rest of the cabinet was full and she didn't really think about it, certainly didn't realize that I would take it so harshly to heart, but yeah I was mad at myself for that for years.
One such time was when we went to Disney, right before bed for some reason I accidentally took my adderall when I meant to get an advil but went for my pill on autopilot. This result in me obviously not sleeping at all, tossing and turning in frustration and distress all night. My bunk was reaaally squeaky and my tossing and turning kept my whole family up. They made sure to share how thankful they were to me for my mistake
Hey mom&dad, maybe it's your fucking fault the vacation got ruined and not your young neurodiverse child's? No? Okay, you're right, I should just go fuck myself
(CW suicide and abusive family)
When I was 11 or 12 I tried to tell my mom I was essentially suicidal and her and my older brother made the biggest shit stink making fun of me. Driving home the fact that I was a child and can't have therapy because if anyone in the house was getting therapy for suicidal ideation, it's them not me. (They didn't "believe" in therapy lol) I regreted it immediatly and was mocked constantly for the rest of my life with them. They made jokes about my self harm and called me emo.
The only reason I didn't go through with swallowing those pills is because a friend I had tried it before me. I saw the "clinic" (it looked like a prison) where they put her and she told me about getting her stomach pumped and how her dad basically hates her now for the medical bills she put him through.
Ugh I am so sorry your parents responded that way. I hate how adults growing up would always be like "open up more and talk to someone" but everytime my friends and I would try it would only open the floor for ridicule and denying of our experiences.
The way my ADHD was 'managed' by adults during my school years basically fucked me up in a lot of ways.
I was really good at the classes I was interested in, but I'd get bored and disrupt the classes I found boring. Instead of teachers focusing on my strengths (I was really good at biology to the point where I was reading biology texts in my own time at home from the age of 4) I instead spent my developing years being punished for being disruptive and 'dumb'.
I lost all interest in school when in high school I suddenly decided I would actually try to be a good student and take the work seriously. The teachers called me into office, said I couldn't have done the work because it was too good, and I never paid attention in class so I must have cheated. From that point on I decided working hard was pointless because people weren't interested in how good you were in something. What they really wanted was compliance and discipline.
Funny story, I ended up going back and finishing high school as an adult and getting into university and loving it until I ran out of money and had to ditch university to work full time so I wouldn't starve. Strange how I'm suddenly good at school now that I'm an adult and people aren't so focused on discipline. It's almost like an engaging environment works better than constantly trying to break someone's spirit.
What really gets me, is how I work a dead-end job the middle-class people I know are always like "Wow you're surprisingly bright. Why didn't you finish university?"
sorry that happened to you op, it sucks how certain parents can't understand their neurodiverse children, and put them into uncomfortable situations, and then wonder why they are upset. my parents where the same way, I can't handle big crowds or loud noises, and they just don't care
Saw this thread after I sorta misunderstood the funny thread so I’ll just link to my comment there.
