So, I have autism and also very bad social anxiety, so I don't have a massive amount of social interactions, so it is easy for me to remember pretty much all of them. This also means that I spend way too much time obsessing over any significant interactions I have, particularly negative ones, which then just make me feel more upset and anxious than I was at the time and sometimes leads to a breakdown. I am also completely unable to deal with conflict
For whatever reason this website, unlike the original subreddit is way more invested in dunking on each other imo. This site has a very hostile atmosphere where it feels like everyone is constantly at each others throats and it makes me just not want to come here at all.
I also want to take exception to some of the recent posts by @TransComrade69 about the Beyond Pink or Blue book, particularly the part in the original post about it only being like 170 pages, so you could read it in like 3 days, so if you don't, it is reactionary. No, one of the symptoms of autism is executive function issues, which I suffer from quite significantly. I could read that book, but it would require me using a lot of energy and necessetitate me neglecting other parts of my life. I struggle hard enough to read books necessary for classes, if I were to try and read that book, it would take months, if not over a year for me to complete it. So, while I understand why @TransComrade69 wants people to read the book and is pushing it, as I am sure there is lots of valuable information within it, I do not at all appreciate the tone that was taken in parts of the original post.
Anyway, I've deleted this account twice already, and I'm doing it for the 3rd and probably final time after this. Social media in general is bad for a lot of these things, but this site kind of takes it to another level.
No, I was immediately sceptical of OP because they've said a bunch of terfy shit in the past and now they're coincidentally coming here to complain about a mod that happens to be trans. Considering we have been having problems with terfs, this whole 'narcissist' thing comes across as concern trolling as it's full of dog whistles and red flags.
All of this stinks of bad faith.
Imagine seeing the TC69 callout and not immediately smelling bullshit. Jesus Christ, how often do we bombastically badger people about reading theory (or you're a :LIB:!) but the outspoken trans admin does it and suddenly it's ableism.
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"I have autism and that makes reading through this book an issue, so I don't like being told that I'm a POS for not doing something that is easy for neurotypicals, but not for me"
"Fuck you, transphobe. You're just trying to come up with excuses"
Gee, I wonder how I got the sense that this place is hostile to ND people
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Well, you are responding to someone that was complaining about the "TC69 callout" and said that you are tired of "defensive cisgender people whining." Literally how else is that supposed to be read other than labelling me as a whiny defensive cisgender.
Jesus Christ, this is literally the most blatantly ableist comment I've ever seen on this site, at least from non-outright trolls. "Its not that bad, you can just get over it, other people have issues too." That is literally you right now. Go fuck yourself. For real. If I don't know what other people are going through, than it is blatantly clear and obvious that you HAVE literally ZERO idea about what autism is and how it affects people. It's incredible how you just completely dismiss the concerns of ND people. Executive function issues are a real thing tied to both Autism and ADHD and are not as simply overcome as you seem to think.
No wonder I feel unwelcome on this site with reactionaries like you.
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My issue was never the admin asking people to read the book, that is fine and I support that action. The issue was that she framed it as " If you don't read this book, you are a POS liberal and there are literally no excuses." Some other comments in this thread indicate that this is supposed to be taken somewhat tongue in cheek, but combination of autism and internet being bad for reading sarcasm in general, means I completely missed that and felt hurt and insulted because I can not read the book.
Ok, this comment indicates that you still do not understand what executive function actually means and why reading short forum posts might be different to a longer form of literature. This is a short YouTube video that briefly explains what it is: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CYi2EzPkErs
Note the first and third points about working memory and self-control, particularly the third one. Reading and reading comprehension itself is not really the issue, I have never had any issues with reading or writing ability, in fact I actually got very high marks in school for those things. The issue is largely being able to focus in on one topic and one task outside of my special interest for any extended period of time. So, on a forum like this or reddit, I can read through the comments in one thread, and then when I am done, I can leave and find a thread about a completely different topic and that keeps my brain stimulated. Being stuck on any topic that I am not deeply interested in becomes very difficult the longer I need to do it. That is the self-control aspect.
The working memory ties into it because it means that when reading about an unfamiliar topic which uses new language to me (such as most political theory) means that I need to spend a lot more effort when working through a passage to actually understand it. When reading books for classes, I am regularly finding myself having to stop myself and go back because I realise I actually have no idea what was just said at all. But in a forum, the language is familiar and the topics and concepts generally aren't anything new to me, so it is much easier for me to follow.
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I mean, I could but this is like a 160 page book being divided up into like 4 or 5 page chunks to be read once a day. As I said in the OP, this will take months, if not over a year depending on my motivation levels. The issue with it taking this long is that by the time I finish it, I will probably have forgotten what was at the start and would need to re-read parts of it again anyway.
Also, though I'm sure they work for some people, putting reminders and deadlines does not work for me and in fact often makes the situation worse. Because I don't meet the deadline or listen to the reminder due to the executive function problems, and then I feel guilty for not having done it and begin to beat myself up over not having done it. So, then I do something like playing video games to try and relax myself and calm myself so I am capable of doing it, but that just makes me feel more guilty for doing that instead of doing the task I should be doing, all of which makes me very mentally exhausted and generally means the task doesn't get done, or gets done but well overdue and after significant mental anguish if it is an important task. Different strategies for completing tasks work for different people, but I am yet to find the one that works for me.
*This is just a side-note, but I am worried it may come across as me complaining that trans issues aren't interesting enough for me to read the book. No, it is kind of the same way with almost everything, even things that I do enjoy a lot. There is literally only one topic I can sustain an interest in for that extended period of time, which is Rugby League. This is not intended as a value judgement on trans issues vs. other political issues vs. anything else. I guess you could say it is a value judgement vs. Rugby League, but literally every other thing will lose out to that too.
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Please stop telling people in c/neurodiverse what they ought to be able to do. Concentrating long enough to read a book, even a short one, can be very difficult for some people. This is c/neurodiverse, and that kind of shaming is not welcome here.
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Thanks comrade
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Ok, I really wish everything was as simple to fix as you seem to believe it is, as that would make so many things in my life apart from this way way easier, but you really don't seem to be getting the fact that this isn't just laziness or something, my brain is just really not wired to do that. 4 months is still too long imo, but it is only 4 months if you assume a constant static progression. More accurately, I might read 30 pages in 4 days and then about 10 in the next 2 and a half months.
This is another example of you just absolutely not getting it. The "reaction" was the OP which was not particularly aggressive or defensive or intended as a callout post against anyone. Maybe you read it that way, but that was not my intention. I literally only brought it up because it was the first example of a recent post that made me feel uncomfortable that I could think of. The "opposition" to you is that you seem completely unable to understand that although some executive function issues can be mitigated, they can't really be eliminated entirely and that doing so is exhaustive.
I also disagree that the stakes are so low, as you say. If you take the posts by TC69 at face value, as I initially did, then it's literally just calling me a reactionary transphobic POS for something that is out of my control, even if that was never the intention. Instead of thinking about as If I'm lazy, like you clearly do, perhaps a better comparison would be to if there was a text that was only available in a second or third language in which you are only self-confident in. Sure, you can read the words and sentences and they make sense, but it is slow and takes a lot more effort for you to do than for native speakers. At that point, you can either try to slog through it with great difficulty and possibly neglect other things due to time constraints, or you can decide it isn't for you and move on. Would you then appreciate it if native speakers began attacking you for not having read this text?
I don't post read theory stuff and generic read theory posts are generally significantly less hostile and aggressive in tone than the ones that were posted about Beyond Pink or Blue.
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I want to be absolutely clear that your comments were the impetus for this post and me leaving. Not the sole reason, but what pushed it over the edge.
In that thread, I posted what were at most minor liberalisms, yet instead of trying to discuss anything, you just immediately went for dunks. And then in this thread, you just wholesale label me as a terf. It is particularly insulting because you even conceded what we were arguing to another user, but then continued arguing and debating it with me.
Like, I don't care if you disagree and want to explain why, but the dunking and immediate assumptions of bad-faith (which you have continued throughout this thread) are what make this site unbearable for me
You were being terfy as fuck to me, deleted all your history and and now you're here calling out transcomrade69.
Fuck off TERF
This whole effort today has been transparent and sad.
I deleted all my comments and had a meltdown because you bullied the fuck out of me and are continuing to do so. Literally go fuck yourself
TIL not being a transphobe equals bullying.
Yeah okay buddy you're not fooling anyone.
You are still doing everything I criticised you for originally. Fucking where have I even been a transphobe? All I said was that men are generally stronger than women so have a natural advantage in sports like cycling. That is true and objective and not up for debate, otherwise women would be getting the same times as men, which they don't.
It has nothing to do with trans people. For the record, trans women should be allowed to compete with women because they are women. Men should not. Desegregating sports literally only hurts women with some exceptions in sports like gymnastics where women have an advantage or like archery where there is no natural advantage. I still don't see how any of this is sexist or Terfy, but maybe I would have been able to see that if at any point you had given some kind of explanation of your ideas rather than immediately resorting to dunks and snark.
Then I don't like being called a POS for not being able to do something easy for NTs. Apparently that is transphobic? Nobody likes being insulted like that, particularly when it is something out of your control. If I said I was illiterate (and we were talking with our mouths, obviously) would you have listened to me? Probably. Why is that if I say that I have a disability which means this task is not easy for me that you think I am looking for excuses and it's actually not that bad? Why is it that you are happy to call out transphobic but look over your own blatant ableism?
I'm not shitting on you for not reading the book I'm shitting on you for using transphobic and sexist biotruther arguments and then not doing any self-reflection when you're called out for it. Instead you resort to calling me a bully for daring to question your opinion. This whole thing stinks of bad faith.
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Literally have explained myself several times.
Point me to that, because I have not seen it. I have only seen you instantly calling me a terf or a transphobe with no further explanation. In the original thread it seemed like you didn't think that greater muscle mass and endurance was an advantage in cycling? That's the closest I've seen to an explanation, however it was nonsensical
EDIT: Also, you said you were not calling me out for not reading the book, but how else am I supposed to take this part
Yeah, you're being disingenuous as fuck now. I'm not even going to bother when I've already explained myself over and over. You're just talking in circles so it's pretty clear you're not here in good faith and there's no point to this.
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Lmao I'm ND, I could say the same about you but go off.
Please just stop replying to me. You are going to push me towards another meltdown. You represent all of my issues with this site. See how you have at every step of the way assumed I am speaking in bad faith and refused to engage and continuously just kept dunking and insulting despite being asked go stop. I have attempted to have a discussion with you, but you have refused to take anything on board, so please just stop completely
This is the first time you've asked me to stop. I will stop.
By having been previously asked to stop I meant stop insulting and attempting dunks. Please don't reply to this
OP's history has been deleted, and frankly I'm not taking anyone's word on any accusation, especially as you are now turning it on me for using the word "narcissist"
yeah it's not like it's a well known transphobic dog whistle or anything