"nt's see explanations as deflection, which like to a degree it is (because rejection hurts) but you or me would see it as communicating that we're not going to continue the harm further bringing up the point is seen by them as you "fighting" or "avoiding accountability" which they then feel a need to counter"
RSD fucking sucks because I literally CANNOT HELP the urge to explain its pathological and I don't think I can cope with this it involves controlling my instinctive behavior in ways I don't think I can manage to actually do. I am totally fucked this world will never have room for me in it I am so upset.
I fucking hate that. Like there is logic behind everything i do, maybe its not always the best logic but if people would let me explain they'd realize I don't do shit because I'm thoughtless or dumb, my brain just takes different logical pathways.