For a few years now I've thought it a possibility I might have ADHD-PI, or since more recently as I learned more about it, autism. However, I did well in school (starting in college when there was more structure and I could determine what classes to take) and ended up in a work situation that provides me a fair amount of material comfort. Poor performance in school/work seems to be the main way I hear about these disorders getting diagnosed, even though, outside of work there's nothing else in my life I would describe as going anything better than "fine, I guess". I can't tell if I'm just good at masking and getting exhausted of it or this is just how life is. I've been putting off seeing a professional because I'm afraid of either result.

If I don't get a diagnosis, I'll feel silly for thinking it was a possibility and wasting so many people's time (including my own) in order to try to avoid dealing with problems that must be my own damn fault, while still not fully trusting that the results because of the disproportionate importance capitalism places on certain axes of our lives and how that seeps into diagnosing mental health issues.

If I do get a diagnosis, I'll be disappointed to have additional responsibility to manage whatever the disorder is (via having to deal with medication or what have you), while still not trusting the result because I'd believe I just gamed the assessment by knowing what they're looking for and that if I got a diagnosis it wouldn't be because I actually deserved it but rather because I wanted it.

I dunno what to do and there's nobody I know IRL I feel comfortable talking about these things with. idk, maybe just posting this will help, who knows