For a few years now I've thought it a possibility I might have ADHD-PI, or since more recently as I learned more about it, autism. However, I did well in school (starting in college when there was more structure and I could determine what classes to take) and ended up in a work situation that provides me a fair amount of material comfort. Poor performance in school/work seems to be the main way I hear about these disorders getting diagnosed, even though, outside of work there's nothing else in my life I would describe as going anything better than "fine, I guess". I can't tell if I'm just good at masking and getting exhausted of it or this is just how life is. I've been putting off seeing a professional because I'm afraid of either result.
If I don't get a diagnosis, I'll feel silly for thinking it was a possibility and wasting so many people's time (including my own) in order to try to avoid dealing with problems that must be my own damn fault, while still not fully trusting that the results because of the disproportionate importance capitalism places on certain axes of our lives and how that seeps into diagnosing mental health issues.
If I do get a diagnosis, I'll be disappointed to have additional responsibility to manage whatever the disorder is (via having to deal with medication or what have you), while still not trusting the result because I'd believe I just gamed the assessment by knowing what they're looking for and that if I got a diagnosis it wouldn't be because I actually deserved it but rather because I wanted it.
I dunno what to do and there's nobody I know IRL I feel comfortable talking about these things with. idk, maybe just posting this will help, who knows
TBH, you're probably already managing a lot of your symptoms without even realizing it. As an example, I have ADHD-PI, and one thing I would do before covid-19 that helped me study would be to do it in a public place, usually the library or in one of my university's dining halls. It wasn't until about a month ago that I learned that by studying in public, I was using a coping mechanism that improves focus called body doubling. So if you were to look through a list of ways to manage your disorder, chances are you're probably already doing at least some of them. Also, figuring out if you're using coping mechanisms for a specific disorder is probably a decent way to figure out if getting a diagnosis is worth it, just don't base your decision solely off of that.
As for meds, they don't magically fix me or other people with ADHD. However, they do make it so that the things I was already doing to managing my ADHD are much more effective, meaning I'm actually putting less effort into managing my symptoms. I can't really speak for other disorders since they have different meds with different effect, but I imagine its much the same. They don't ever fix the problems, but they do make management easier, and always keep in mind that you'll be managing it whether you have meds or not. Of course, if you go on meds, keep in mind the side effects you have and don't be afraid to change meds if your current ones aren't working, or if they have more side effects than they're worth. Also keep in mind that you don't have to go on meds or any other treatments if you don't want to.
I can speak for myself when I say that I felt the exact same way. TBH, the vast majority of neurodivergent people probably feel the exact same way when getting diagnosed. I was first diagnosed with ADD when I was 7 or 8, and since then its been very obvious just how much it affects me. Despite that, when I went through a second diagnosis at 19 in order to get on meds, I still felt like I was overselling how bad it was or that I was only giving certain answers because I knew it was how to get the result I wanted. Even though I'd already been diagnosed a decade prior. Even though I knew how focus issues had affected me in the past. Even though the reason I wanted meds was because my lack of focus had become such a problem that I had just failed a class for the first time ever. Looking back on it now though, it feels like I was probably underselling my ADHD if anything. With that in mind, just try to represent your problems as honestly and objectively as you can and you should be fine. If you think it could help, maybe even make a journal where you write down how your symptoms effect you so that you have something more concrete to refer back to when you aren't sure that you're representing your experiences correctly.
Lastly, don't feel bad or embarrassed if you don't get a diagnosis. Sometimes doctors get it wrong. For example, I read a comment on reddit from a woman with ADHD who got diagnosed with depression initially, probably because those were her most obvious symptoms at the time. Other times doctors just don't believe you. Don't be afraid to get a second opinion if you feel they got it wrong. Sometimes people will have a disorder, but because neurodivergence is a multi-dimensional spectrum, it may be hard for doctors to pick up on what they need to be looking for. And worst (but actually best) case scenario, if you truly don't have anything, sure you'll probably be embarrassed, but at least that means you don't have my brain lol.
Good luck comrade o7.