Pretty much everyone figures out how to actually socialize, maintain relationships, have new relationships, improve them, and date at high school, MAYBE college at the latest. I'm 30, almost 31. Did I miss the boat on learning that and having a semblance of happiness in my life, and there's no going back.

I've tried it all. I've tried social hobbies, I've tried going out, I've tried putting myself out there. The basics of social skills elude me. I am, at best, a filler friend. I can't see myself being any more than that, and I think it's too late for me to get better.

I think I doomed myself to a life of loneliness, all because of the bad choices I made. The only possible hope I can have is maybe reincarnation is real and I can suck less in the next life.

  • Magician [he/him, they/them]
    ·
    8 months ago

    For a while I thought it was my personal choices that brought me here too, but it's more complicated than that.

    Covid and my fucked up family derailed my social life. If you're made to feel ashamed of honest communication and events like a pandemic make you insular, it's gonna suck making new friends and maintaining connections.

    Under capitalism it feels like the direct sincerity a lot of ND people express is met with doubt or opportunism. People are made desperate to get ahead and are skeptical of anyone who just wants to cut the bullshit and talk.

    Capitalism forces us to spend money to socialize. It takes away our time and energy with unnecessary work and then underpays us. Something as cool as the internet has been commodified to the point where we can't meet people with aligning interests.

    It all comes back to the mistrust and personal responsibility narratives. Friends and relationships are treated like investments you need to research and vet.

    I don't know how to solve this exactly, but I just wanted to emphasize it's not down to your bad choices when you live in a society that wasn't built for you.

    Edited to add - you found a community here, for example, but external societal factors have made it unsafe. Reactionary people, scammers, trolls, doxxing, and just anti-capitalist sentiments make it hard to connect even here. It's not a you problem because this shit happens offline too.