I often spend most of my time at parties in an ego-death like state in which I can observe humans interacting with each other. I used to just think I was an outcast, but even outcasts form these groups and interact with each other. The idea of humans living with another, helping each other, and just existing is just so fucking alien to me.
I'm a biological aberration and would have died during childhood if my deviation was of a chemical or physical nature. Instead, I have to exist in this world because I was born into a species that's built on irrational comradery and familial structure. That's not an insult, it's objectively better than myself and makes for beautiful creatures. But for the person forced into alien structures no built for them it can be torture.
"I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men." - Lovecraft.
I don't think I was born this way, just deprived and stunted of socialization. But does something like Stirner's union of egoists appeal to you too?
For me the saddest part is that I have a pocket universe of experiences inside me, and I recognize others do as well, but at best we remain at recognition and respect as fellow universes, maybe some overlaps, never achieve true and full understanding and sharing of those experiences.
I see the pocket universe in you, see its complex majesty. You are a world of infinite diversity, and one day someone will discover you, and both of you will be acknowledged and seen.
When that happens, tell me how you managed it, cuz I'm in the same boat.
But does something like Stirner's union of egoists appeal to you too?
Not particularly, although I don't have a great grasp of it. I don't understand human interaction in general. My ideal life would be as a hermit interacting wordlessly with forest spirits, either real or imagined, as I performed my duties. I see human interaction as an insect-like intelligence dressed up very well. Something governed by chemical impulses just filtered through the ego in order to interact with society. I don't see people hanging and having a good time. I see insect-intelligences forming packs and engaging in bonding rituals. Completely unaware of course, sometimes to the detriment of those insect like goals of survival, but still the same nonetheless.
You shouldn't listen to me though, I'm probably going to have a mental break in a few years. I'm just at the stage of mental deterioration in which the symbols and concepts I use to understand the world are starting to break down in interesting ways.
Human social interaction.
I often spend most of my time at parties in an ego-death like state in which I can observe humans interacting with each other. I used to just think I was an outcast, but even outcasts form these groups and interact with each other. The idea of humans living with another, helping each other, and just existing is just so fucking alien to me.
I'm a biological aberration and would have died during childhood if my deviation was of a chemical or physical nature. Instead, I have to exist in this world because I was born into a species that's built on irrational comradery and familial structure. That's not an insult, it's objectively better than myself and makes for beautiful creatures. But for the person forced into alien structures no built for them it can be torture.
"I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men." - Lovecraft.
I don't think I was born this way, just deprived and stunted of socialization. But does something like Stirner's union of egoists appeal to you too?
For me the saddest part is that I have a pocket universe of experiences inside me, and I recognize others do as well, but at best we remain at recognition and respect as fellow universes, maybe some overlaps, never achieve true and full understanding and sharing of those experiences.
I see the pocket universe in you, see its complex majesty. You are a world of infinite diversity, and one day someone will discover you, and both of you will be acknowledged and seen.
When that happens, tell me how you managed it, cuz I'm in the same boat.
Not particularly, although I don't have a great grasp of it. I don't understand human interaction in general. My ideal life would be as a hermit interacting wordlessly with forest spirits, either real or imagined, as I performed my duties. I see human interaction as an insect-like intelligence dressed up very well. Something governed by chemical impulses just filtered through the ego in order to interact with society. I don't see people hanging and having a good time. I see insect-intelligences forming packs and engaging in bonding rituals. Completely unaware of course, sometimes to the detriment of those insect like goals of survival, but still the same nonetheless.
You shouldn't listen to me though, I'm probably going to have a mental break in a few years. I'm just at the stage of mental deterioration in which the symbols and concepts I use to understand the world are starting to break down in interesting ways.