There is a term in kendo called hikitate geiko. I won't get too technical, but in essence, it is an attitude employed by a senior who spars with their junior that helps elevate their skills. It is more difficult than it appears, because if you make it too easy for them, they don't improve, but if you make it too hard for someone, they won't learn anything either; and at the same time, you yourself won't benefit from the spar. By practicing good hikitate geiko, you are able to elevate your partner's skills, but at the same time, refine and perfect your own technique.
I find that this attitude is beautiful in every aspect of life, and isn't easy to accomplish; I think this is a huge green flag when someone does that well, regardless of the situation or context.
This. Someone who is willing to come down to my ignorant level in a subject and reward me for my tiny effort and interest in it, is an immediate win in my book. Though it is a hard line to cross without going into smirky/mansplaining territory.
For example, Veritasium videos are always fantastic, but I can't get over how the man smirks when he explains concepts, despite the fact that it's his natural smile.
Finding that sweet spot is incredibly difficult, and requires a lot of attention and skill.
In kendo, if I make it too easy, not only the junior won't learn much from it, but they will get frustrated and feel that they are being dismissed or looked down on. If you go too hard on someone, you are crushing their spirit and demoralising them, and they don't get the opportunity to learn or improve. The problem is that such environments tend to be festered in some dojo, so if you see that, best to look for another group.
The point of hikitate geiko is to give your partner both a boost in confidence and engagement, giving them opportunities to attack you, but if they don't immediately capitalise on them, move on.
As for applying it outside the dojo, I think you have to want to share your enthusiasm about something, and when you get them hyped about it like you, it's an awesome feeling. When you give them the confidence to try something, or ask a question, they are trusting you and it's great. I also love seeing someone when something they have been trying to do just clicks.
I find that when learning a new skill, there is a point of psychological friction, because you feel that you suck, and just aren't getting it. Hikitate geiko helps the junior not feel like they suck, it feels awesome and it increases morale, which makes learning both fun and effective.
I think you have to want to share your enthusiasm about something
This, the enthusiasm sells the authenticity of it, and people are more willing to listen.
I have a friend who teaches high school history and has traveled a lot. She's great at this! I feel like i can talk to her about almost anything and she never makes me feel stupid.
I do this when I play MTG or board games with people. I'm not like professional MTG good or anything but it is the kind of complex system I tend to do really well in. I want to have fun too though so a lot of times I end up trying to control the board in a way to make my opponent think about specific challenges to overcome to defeat me. Gives me something to do that isn't obliterating them and they get to have an engaging game out of it too
That's exactly it! This matches the spirit of hikitate geiko beautifully. You're both helping your opponent understand the game better, creating opportunities for them to challenge themselves in engaging ways and helping them feel awesome while doing it, which is a great motivator to improve and play more in the future.
Do you feel this makes you a better MTG player in general when you do it?
I'd say it depends who I'm against but overall yeah. There's always something to be learning in that game and if someone completely new to the game finds a novel way around a challenge than I'll tuck that away in my toolbelt as well. I also have to know some really obscure parts of how things work together to orchestrate the kind of board state I'm talking about so lots of research goes into it.
I actually do this mostly as a way to learn about new people; see how they approach problem solving and how they socially interact with me (MTG is a space I'm comfortable in so I end up talking way more than usual during play); but I have a couple close friends we mostly try and out shitpost each other with ridiculous gameplay. And then sometimes, on a rare occasion if someone is rude to me, I can take off the training wheels and use my finely tuned bullshittery to make them pick up their ball and go home lol
That's really awesome! There are more similarities than I thought between our hobbies.
- vegan
- soft spoken
- patient
- hands scarred/calloused from work
- creases in face from smiling
- casual manner/attire
- walks around other earthlings on footpaths etc instead of through
- puts their shopping trolley away, bonus if they round up others
- mocks authority
- is kind to children and listens to them seriously
Of course, authority is a pretty fucked up concept as implemented in our society. It's almost always nothing more than the threat of violence for not subsuming your own needs to the needs of another. The other usually claiming that privilege through nonsense like birthright, wealth, closeness to power structures or similar.
Anyone who uses such a ridiculous thing is at best a fool. Calling out injustice and laughing at awful people is definitely a green flag.
Consider say the difference between interacting with a cop and a firefighter. The cop claims authority, do what they say or be tortured into compliance. The firefighter has no authority and yet I'll bet you trust everything they say a lot more than the cop and are far more willing to cooperate.
I'm infamous for understanding to an extent, but that's like saying "Japanese police are bad, therefore being in the Yakuza is a green flag". I too am not that fond of authority, but that doesn't make every robber a Robin Hood.
I missed this.
Violent thugs claim authority regardless of the source. The cops claim the law enables them to torture you into compliance, the gangs claim it by right of might.
The reason is not relevant, laugh at them all (where doing so won't get you killed).
This doesn't mean fuck rules or cooperation. If my friends and I play a board game we all agree to be bound by collective rules for the pursuit of some mutual fun. Of course nobody has authority in the same sense, anyone is free to say "I don't think this rule is fun, can we change it?" or "I'm not having fun right now, I'm sorry but I'd like to stop playing".
I love people who help others, I just also love it when those helpful people burst out laughing when someone says "that's Mr Bossman to you!".
As to your reply to other person, yeah a lot of people don't respect authority and laugh at it. I think it's a green flag. Some people kiss the ring and lick the boot. Those people scare me because I can't think of any reason except that they dream of being over another.
The firefighter is an authority on fire safety, and shouldn't be mocked for that authority
There's a lot of writing on subtle details of sorts of authority and it's a bit of a problem with language.
You could say that you voluntarily grant the firefighter temporary authority in some circumstances or whatever but to avoid quibbling over language for essays let's agree that there is a difference between someone imposing authority vs an individual deciding to believe someone should be listened to because of some domain expertise.
It's probably due to autism traits but "mocking authority" sounds like just mocking anyone relying on previous experience or education rather being able to justify their position in the situation at hand. Compare to the logical fallacy of "relying on authority"
When it comes to fire safety, I don't need to know exactly with sources why some areas need to be "fire cells" while other areas, similar in my eyes, doesn't if the information comes from a fire fighter. I rely completely on his/her authority on the matter and doesn't need any more evidence to let the fire fighter enforce those laws and regulations.
Im guessing that in this context "authority" in the thread starter text is shorthand for "perceived authority by the enforcer without real and safe recourse for the person having authority enforced upon"?
Since both the cop and fire fighter have means of legal repercussions if their authority is not followed I mean.
I'm not sure I follow. For the purposes of my example the firefighter has no legal recourse if you don't listen. They're just random volunteers where I live.
I don't want to get too hung up on definitions because that's counter productive I think. So what I'm talking about is that sometimes humans rely on power, real or perceived, in order to demand that others subsume their own desires and submit to those of the powerful.
Examples are police and other violent gangs - do what I say or I shoot you, capitalists - work for me or I will starve you, shitty parents - do what I say or I will hurt you.
I am calling that authority, notice that at no point is there consent from the person authority is being claimed over (it's not consent if it's coerced).
On the other hand people sometimes agree to perform certain roles with each other, or to be bound by certain rules in order to undertake some endeavour. For example when I am teaching my niece science she agrees to solve the problems I ask her to solve, but there is no coercion here. She is free to say at any moment "no" and I am free to either withdraw my offer to teach, ask a different question, propose a break or whatever else. Similarly working groups might elect someone among them to manage a project, but this isn't authority (as I have defined above) if they are free to relect a project manager, refuse directions or whatever.
Various writers have waffled to varying extents trying to pin down specific definitions. I side with those who think it's clearer to distinguish between the two social arrangements by not calling the second one authority.
Where I live the fire fighters are a professional force tasked with emergency tasks as well as enforcing compliance with fire safety regulations, as an example an association I work with had to pay a fine due to having some of the smoke detectors non functioning. Thats an authority I have no issue with, with goes back to the word "mocking" authority rather than "questioning" authority.
One sounds like the refusal of having another party authority over oneself, the latter implies a valuation if the authority is proper, fitting and reasonable or not.
but it's not the legal repurcussions that make you listen. If anything they undermine, as you need to establish whether advice is genuine or somebody throwing their weight around.
Yeah, that sounds like a fun dude (I'm assuming dude given the kind of work he does). I've never met him, though.
If a person carries their trash with them until they stumble upon a trash bin they instantly have a plus in my book.
Now I'm not dating someone unless they can prove their vim skills. Probably I'm gonna die alone.
No particular order:
- Being a furry/furry sympathetic.
- A science major of any kind. IMO the S needs more love in STEM.
- Ever overhear them say "walkable" in a positive light.
- Hobbies besides media consumption
- Not "too cool" to learn something. Likes learning for fun.
- Not to concerned with looking cool or badass, either. Look at CHUDs, I made a joke the other day that I can sense a decent bit of residual 90's 'tude in modern CHUDDery, and I think I'm onto something.
Likes learning for fun.
where do I find other people like this? where am I supposed to go?
Makerspaces? Maybe just hang around at bars near your local conference/convention center?
Makerspaces? Maybe just hang around at bars near your local conference/convention center?
I'll feel weird and out of place. But I guess I have nothing better to do. lol
and I gotta hope no gross chuds pick on me
Nah that site’s full of subtly (and sometimes overtly) unnerving techbros
They're self aware. Understand the difference between subjectivity and objectivity. When they encounter someone different, they don't judge, see it as a learning opportunity. Put thought into their words. If you ask them a question, you can see them carefully thinking about it.
The simple virtue of being able to genuinely express these words; "I don't know", "Sorry" and "Thank you" (or any derivative of these*).
Being able to admit a mistake is huge, being able to genuinely apologize without some cop-out disclaimer is even better.
I mean, I'd say that knowing not to overeat is probably a good thing, but I'm guessing you mean it from a vegan/vegetarian context, and I'm just gonna say No. No it does not mean that. In fact, veganism is something of a yellow flag for me. I've known vegans who were good people, but I've known a disproportionate amount who were insufferable, self-righteous pricks. I recognize there is a bias there in that there are probably vegans I met whose dietary lifestyle I've never known about, but that's already besides the point. Veganism is not a green flag
And if you didn't meant that, then I really am curious as to what you meant by "unnecessarily"
My take is simply: why eat animals if I don’t have to? I honestly just think about animals being caged their entire lives for the sole purpose of “bacon tho.”
All the noise about “insufferable vegans,” “I’m offended because a vegan told me to not eat a hamburger,” is just that—noise. I can’t speak for the animals but if it were my livelihood on the line, I wouldn’t give a fuck about the preadator species’ infighting.
By “unnecessary” I mean unless you’re going to die without killing an animal, then you don’t need to kill animals (including supporting it by eating animal products). It’s really that simple.
It’s tiring hearing constant excuses from non-vegans. It’s always semantics and what-ifs, you never get anywhere with them. I just want to scream “put down the fucking hamburger and eat a vegetable ffs!” People really turn this into some nitpicking rocket science. For me? I just decided “fuck this” one day and guess what? I’m still alive.
If you go around yelling at people to put down the hamburger, people are gonna tell you to mind your own business. That's why people think vegans are insufferable. The ones who don't do this, you never know they're vegans because they mind their own business. Really fucks with the numbers, so I'll clarify and say that someone who makes it a point to steer a conversation to how they're vegan is a yellow flag. Veganism itself is not at all a problem
I welcome a world in which factory farms are gone. The amount of actual cruelty needed to sustain our population and capitalist demand is insane and depressing, but we are nowhere near winning that fight with boycotting animal products, and we never will. It won't make a difference. The improvement of substitute meat with systemic and legislative change will do that, and that's what we need to push for
So yeah, I'm not offended because a vegan told me not to eat a hamburger. I'm annoyed because a vegan went out of their way to steer the conversation towards their own moral superiority
So I'll apologize for having reacted so defensively, but I don't think that eating meat and having empathy for animals is mutually exclusive. It sure just seemed to me like you were telling me that veganism should be a green flag for me, and it just really isn't. It's whatever. If I find out a person is a vegan, I'm not gonna be more attracted to them; I'll just now know not to offer them a chicken nugget
Again, your feelings (or anyone’s) are not the point. The point is to stop killing animals.
I just don’t give a fuck how a person feels about me or vegans in general. Animals are being caged and/or tortured, then killed while we sit here pretending raising the issue is offensive.
People just can’t put down the burgers and hot dogs and think about anyone other than themselves. Then they act like vegans are crazy. Yeah, okay
Alright well my point is nobody asked you. Without massive legislative and systemic changes, and improvements on meat substitutes, you'll never end factory farms. Not enough people will ever care to put down the hamburger, no matter how annoying you are about it, in order for a consumer's wallet vote to make a difference in the industry. You can sit up there on your high horse, talking about how only vegans actually have empathy, while people roll their eyes at you fulfilling the stereotypes that discredit veganism. By all means, be a vegan. I fully support that. I even encourage it, but that is a lifestyle choice you make for yourself. I don't believe the efforts of veganism are at all effective, and capitalism, horrendous though it is, has successfully alienated me from my food source that I am able to still have empathy and love for animals while consuming meat. The cow I eat was gonna die anyway
You're not some moral paragon; You're proving exactly why veganism is a yellow flag for me
Stop 👏 pretending 👏 you're 👏 making 👏 a 👏 difference
There is no ethical consumption under capitalism. It sucks, but we all have to pick and choose what parts of the system to support and which parts to avoid. You can make your own goddamned shoes if you feel so morally superior to avoid paying for child labor. Maybe avoid using your phone or a computer to grandstand so you stop supporting the exploitative labor that goes into mining the materials that make them
Having red and yellow or red and black flags on their clothing/accessories
No, that's red, yellow AND black
To avoid any further confusion, red should be the base color, the yellow a cute symbol and black a triangle connecting three of the corners
Okay, yep, I would consider someone being an communist or anarchist to be a green flag
Yeah, I tried to make a funny bit about red flags but avoiding sectarianism muddled it
-
Eager to discuss the cool things they've read.
-
Able to make me laugh.
-
Cleans up after themselves (I know, low bar).
-
Communist of some stripe.
Superficial but:
- Physically stronger than me.
Y'know, I've never thought about that before.
I guess, I would.
this made me want a full reading of lenins work by stephen fry
-
They talk about Pokemon in the first date and will defend gen whatever while still calling it shit.
First Gen, the game is fucking broken as fuck. But it's also the most memorable and iconic one. I think with little tweaking in types and mechanics in Gen 1, you could have the perfect pokémon game.
But since it was the first, a lot of shit wasn't discovered and explored.
This is what Pokémon Let’s Go is, a modern refining of Gen One Pokémon. If that interests you, it has already been made
Red flag for me. I'm all for people having hobbies, but bringing up niche hobbies from childhood would not be great. I'm sure 2 fans would get along great. However, it would be odd to bring up with another adult who is not a known fan.
It's a show marketed at kids. Manu adults like it as they grew up with it. Manu adultsike the games, but those unfamiliar are not starting as adults.
For me, it's not about having a childhood hobby you still enjoy. It's about not having the social awareness to not being it up on a first date. In context, sure, why not, if you walked by a poster or kid playing and it became a topic of conversation. But as a topic of conversation whose purpose is to get to know each other, I'd be worried they never matured.
I still.play video games from my childhood almost daily, when I get the chance. I won't chat about combos or new sf6 characters with strangers or a first date.
Pokemon being marketed to kids isn't the same as Pokemon being a kids' game, especially when a huge chunk of the community around the franchise are late teens/adults. Sure, don't bring it up randomly, but I honestly don't see how games are different from sports, knitting, anime, or any other hobby in that regard. Someone being passionate about something --whether it's games or anything else-- shouldn't really impact your perception of their maturity.
Yes, but that's partly my point. The teens and adults that are fans are only fans due to playing as kids, likely due to marketing to them. That's not to say any game is good or bad, but to me it's a sign of immaturity to bring it up. I'd have similar red flags with someone discussing non kid hobbies if I showed little interest. If someone wants to chat football or handbags, I'd equally want out. It's a know your audience problem. If have no problem dating a Pokemon fan and I'd probably take up the game to play with them. My issue is being so into it it's all you want to talk about on a first date. It would strine me as immature.
If we were discussing hobbies and they briefly brought it up, that wouldn't be a red flag, per se.
