I know I'm supposed to defend my coworker here but he still owes me a burrito.

Throw out all your soy products immediately and start playing some football. There's no way the governments femboy rays can get to you if you're surrounded by all American beefcakes

Mark my words, the animals are up to something. Farts can be faked. Am I saying the government is replacing your dog's farts with mind control gas? You tell me.

You're one lucky son of a bitch. If you had stayed long enough to graduate you would have been initiated into their satanic warlock academy and we all know how that ends.

I'll be damned before I ever let this sham of a state control me. I'm a free man! An American, damn it!

First the frogs, now the bees. Mark my words, the liberal left government won't be satisfied until every one of gods creatures has been turned gay.

Cease your actions before the local population of frogs get converted by your agenda! I won't have any more of our proud American fogs turned gay damn it! Hell! I'm mad!

You can't speak in code forever, Lizard.

My insider contacts have told me that they have replaced your pretzels with a newer, less American brand to weaken your patriotism. Don't let them feed you commie pretzels! Get mad! Get even!

That's because of the fluoride they put in our water. We used to have telepathic powers before the government drugged us. Unlock your inner psychic energy with my new product, Dinosaur Cock. Out now at InfoWars.com.

Who are you people? Are you CIA? Answer me!