I think a lot of them don't want to accept how luck has influenced their success. They don't want to accept that if they'd had the challenges someone else has had, they wouldn't have been successful either.

Thanks.

I am starting to think this is the most likely scenario. The way some people write their messages it does sound like a fetish or a power trip or something.

Does anyone else get really infuriated by able bodied people comparing and contrasting the achievements and attitudes of ill/disabled people and using that against you? For instance if you're unable to work/study because you're exhausted and brain foggy from cancer treatment, someone will try to shame you for not working by saying "Look at this person, they are deafblind and they are a lawyer! You aren't as badly off as them, what is your excuse?" Or "Oh, you won't walk far because your in pain/lame from a stroke/whatever? Well this person has no legs at all and ran a marathon, what's your excuse?"

As well as it being horrible to shame people for being unable to do things, it's so stupid because they contrast apples with oranges. While it's amazing that a deafblind person overcame their challenges to become a lawyer, it's a completely different situation from the cancer patient, who is so tired they can't help falling asleep and can't concentrate on basic tasks, never mind studying for a law degree.

It's amazing that a double amputee ran a marathon on false legs but that is a different situation from, say, a stroke patient who is dragging a painful leg that doesn't fully work.

I hate the attempts to enforce cheerfulness on the ill/disabled as well. Like say, you're laying in your hospital bed after cancer surgery crying because you're scared and in pain and some dickhead will show you a news article about a woman who is dying from cancer but so cheerful about it and say "Look, she's worse off than you and she is still smiling and happy. What have you got to complain about? Cheer up."

Thanks. The weirdo who wanted to date me happened on reddit just before I found this site, but all the other instances happened on here and lemmygrad.

I had one who used it as an excuse to try and get a girlfriend.

He sent me a message, saying that if I gave him my address he would send me a takeaway off justeat. I was starving and desperate, so I gave him my address. For the rest of the night, every couple of hours, I'd ask if the food was on the way and he'd say he was busy but would send it soon. (not too busy to be chatting online all night.) Eventually it became clear he wasn't going to send it. But it didn't end there. He started bombarding me with messages, saying he was lonely, wanted a girlfriend and was sure I must be beautiful. He said he was coming to my house to visit me. He didn't ask if he could come, he said he was coming and would probably be here "around 10am tomorrow."

Of course this freaked me tf out. I did everything I could to dissuade him. I told him I'm not beautiful, I am not looking for a boyfriend, I am too ill for visitors, I'm not allowed visitors here. But he refused to accept any excuses and the situation got so dire I had to tell him that if he came I would call the police. But that was one scary week dealing with that.

Unfortunately 90% of the people who've responded to my messages have either ghosted me or strung me along or been scary weirdos. But I keep posting requests when I need help because 10% of people who've responded have actually been good and helped me and without them I wouldn't have made it through this far.

It's not not helping people out we're complaining about, but sending an offer of help and then ghosting.

Yes, I'm able to go ahead with the surgery now! I was really worried I'd have to cancel it. Don't know what I'm going to do about my overdraft but at least I can get my medical problems sorted out now.

Bump

The last time I needed a letter from my doctor for my disability benefits I literally wrote him a letter listing all the things I wanted him to say in it.

I think this must have been quite common in the past. Lots of children's novels from the 20th century featured women, particularly widowed or otherwise single mothers, writing novels because it's the only way they could feed themselves and their children. Two that come to mind are The Railway Children, and Ruby Ferguson's "Jill" series. Re-reading these novels as an adult, it's actually pretty disturbing, the bits where the characters can only eat if their mother manages to sell her latest story.

She probably orders it from a 5 star restaurant and has a serf feed it to her.

I understand why disabled people who want to live would be fearful of assisted suicide. But for me, I really hate being alive and I do wish it was over. I already tried to kms once, ended up in intensive care for 5 days. Even in there, the medical staff were nice to all the other patients on the ward but mostly ignored me, they seemed really disapproving of what I had done, no sympathy, no wondering what had driven me to that. It's difficult to do and I just can't do it myself. I want to go to dignitas but it's unaffordable. I joined a suicide forum, and made several suicide pacts with people there, but something always went wrong to prevent it (like them backing out at the last minute, or the supplies we needed for the plan being unobtainable). Then when my benefit appeal started and I eventually ran out of credit, I got so desperate for money that I tried selling my prescription meds on there. I had no other way to feed myself. For that, I got banned. So from my point of view, society legalising assisted suicide or even forcing us into gas chambers to die would be a relief. In fact, I'd have more respect for them if they just did that openly instead of saying "OUr sOcIETy hAs a roBUsT saFETy nET," while giving people like me zero points on our assessments and leaving us to starve. Being in constant pain, begging for food vouchers and trying to make them last as long as possible because I don't know if anyone will respond the next time I ask, completely destitute, endless benefit assessments and appeals, threatened with homelessness and now being deprived of the meds I need, on top of having cancer treatment and recovering from a stroke, has just overwhelmed and exhausted me to the point life isn't worth living. especially since I've got nothing good in my life either. I don't have friends in real life any more, they all gradually drifted away as I got sicker and wasn't fun any more. I used to love hiking but now even walking a few steps really hurts, and I have no money to do anything that I could do by myself at home like renting films or whatever.

What you said about society erasing our existences and seeing me as a normal person who is just pathetic - I'd never thought of it like that before but you're right. And when I talk to someone and they find out I'm on benefits - even if they know about my health issues and can see the state I'm in - they either don't bother talking to me any more, or get critical about it and suggest I should just find some work or a course of study I can do. My own doctors have said I'm totally unfit for any type of work whatsoever, I now need help doing basic things, I struggle even to dress myself and use the toilet but of course there must be some work I can do. Employers are just crying out for people like me. Doesn't matter that I worked and paid tax and national insurance for 16 years previously. How dare I now draw on that "safety net" I paid into all those years. The obsession that society has with finding some work for the disabled, or even forcing the disabled into work, is a denial that people can be too disabled to work.

On reddit I saw a comment about Luigi Mangione, someone had found his reddit account, and discovered that he suffered from crippling, painful back problems. He was giving other sufferers advice on how to convince their insurance companies to pay for their treatment. He made a a comment in response to a post where somebody asked for help convincing a surgeon that they needed spinal fusion surgery because their pain is unbearable.

Mangione said "Tell them you are "unable to work" / do your job. We live in a capitalist society. I've found that the medical industry responds to these key words far more urgently than you describing unbearable pain and how it's impacting your quality of life."

And I think that says everything about our society. we aren't seen as humans with needs, we're all just units of productivity. Those who don't produce get thrown out like trash and those who do produce may stand a chance of getting the help they need to keep on producing.

Anyway, sorry to hear that your mother doesn't accept you for who you are. We live in a cruel world full of miserable people.

Is that for rimegepant?

I've just had my local pharmacist shame me for being a drain on NHS resources. I take various different meds, some for my cancer treatment but most for dealing with side-effects caused by the cancer treatment. Some to prevent me from having another stroke. One of the issues I've been dealing with is severe migraines, with blindness, vomiting and excruciating pain lasting up to three days at a time. I've had various different treatments for this, including nerve blocking injections in my head, but the only medication that really helped was rizatriptan.

However, rizatriptan isn't suitable for people who've had strokes, so they won't prescribe it any more. So it was back to the neurologist, trying various different treatments and meds until I was, a few months ago, prescribed rimegepant. This is nowhere near as good as rizatriptan, but it does help. So for the past couple of months I've been having this and I just went to get my most recent prescription filled.

The neurologist said I can take one every day as a preventative but the GP's surgery have been refusing to prescribe me more than 8 a month. They wouldn't say why, but today when I went to collect my prescription, the pharmacist had a go at me about the cost of the medication. I was literally just standing there waiting for it, and totally unprovoked he came out, handed me the bag and just started loudly complaining in front of all the other people about how this medication is too expensive, and his general tone and demeanour clearly said that I'm being a selfish drain on NHS resources, although he didn't dare actually say that in words.

I got home and googled the cost, it's £12 per tablet. Logically I know it's not my fault I need meds, but I just feel really ashamed and guilty now for being prescribed this. Maybe this explains why the GP surgery won't prescribe me one as a preventative each day. I'm wondering whether I should even bother to keep getting this prescription filled if the people at the pharmacy think so badly of me for taking it.

This isn't even the first time the NHS has complained about the cost of my meds. Some years ago, before my stroke when I was still taking rizatriptan, they tried to change me to a cheaper med, one I'd already tried that didn't work, saying rizatriptan was too expensive. (It's like £2 a tablet). I begged the woman not to change it and when she said she was changing it, I broke down in tears at the thought of going back to 3 day long torturous migraines. She actually laughed and told me to stop being dramatic, but in the end after getting advice on how to deal with her from people online, she agreed not to change it.

It's the same with receiving disability benefits, having to go through endless assessments and appeals, being given zero points and having my payments stopped, being left hungry and destitute. Again and again, this society shows me that i am nothing but an unwanted drain on resources, selfishly sponging off working people. Yet, they won't let me have a peaceful and painless exit. If assisted suicide was legal and free on the NHS, I would take it. They would save money then. But no, I can't access that service. They even make DIY suicide difficult by making the easier methods illegal and difficult to obtain. Just - what do they want? They don't want me dead but they don't want me alive either. I have two risk factors for stroke - my cancer treatment and my migraines, and I've already had one stroke at a young age. They tell me I'm at risk of another. Keeping my migraines to a minimum makes the chance of another stroke less likely and if I do have another it could be more severe and more life changing if I keep having uncontrollable migraines. Then they'll have to spend even more money on me.

Sorry just a rant because I'm feeling like worthless trash after my trip to the pharmacist. Just legalise assisted suicide and kill me already. But this society are cowards. They don't want to say "Yes, let's kill you as you're disabled," because they don't want to sound like nazis. So instead they slowly kill us by denying our benefit claims, leaving us homeless and hungry, changing our meds to cheaper ones that don't work and whatever else they can think of to get rid of us without making it look like societal murder.

Same here. According to my therapist I shouldn't meet someone off a suicide forum to get help committing suicide, I should wait until my financial circumstances change and go to dignitas instead. I shouldn't beg people on mutual aid for food, I should just use the foodbank and when it takes ages to get a referral/it's closed/I'm told to make 3 days worth of food last over a week, I should just go without. When I say her therapy isn't working for me and I get more comradeship and support chatting to people here, she tells me to stop talking to you lot because you will brainwash me, and she can send me to an art or meditation class instead.

Why are they so obsessed with trying to make us use official services even when they aren't working or are impossible to access?

Could you tell me more about this?

What about all the other countries though?

Thank you.

That's a good idea, thanks. I didn't even think about doing that.