Kolibri [she/her]
- 7 Posts
- 611 Comments
·3 days ago
Maybe one day. I know I need to do something instead of just constantly feeling trapped or stuck. I just don't have much motivation for that much anymore, but that comes and goes.
·3 days agowaterfalls grow on rocks instead
just rambling about stuff, like my dad or slight mental health stuff cw: alcoholism
I am very sleep deprived right now and feeling sick. Again. I dunno how many times I have experienced this feeling due to not sleeping much at times. Just sort of thinking about like, this moment right now. Bunch of lights on late at night that feel overbearing sometimes, in my room, the living room that illuminates the hallway to my room. Then there the noise, with the TV on loud because my dad passed out on his chair again while watching TV, where he doesn't like to be waken up when he passed out on the couch. My nose and mouth dry, a slight headache. A general sick feeling, while a sort of feeling "out of it". A burning feeling in my face. Then there my dog's ashes to my desk on the right. And then me occasionally checking in on my dad to make sure he not dead due to him drinking a lot, which he isn't. How many times have I checked on him? Too much to count at this point.
Then there just this feeling of, something very unhealthy about this environment when looking around. Nights as an escape become lesser, as day and night blur. My dad struggling in his own way with his drinking, and me struggling in another way. Drowning.
I think what I hate the most is I don't want to experience moments like this anymore. Feeling exhausted, tired, and seeing my dad passed out again, and hardly much quiet or peace of the night. A constant rhythm that keeps on going. I would go rest right now, but I can't. At least until I get that "sense" of nightly peace. Which only comes after my dad finally wakes up from his chair and decides to go to bed, in which also tells me still okay. Then the quiet of night comes, the loud sound of the TV goes away, the sickly overburdening artificial lights turn off and the night is mine just for a brief moment, and then I can sleep. One day this will end and it won't be like this forever.
·10 days agoI really hate police. My dad was telling me how he saw to police vehicles just sitting/parked out front of our house yesterday and it is hard not to feel a little paranoid. Especially after like many years ago when the police tried to get inside our home because they were looking for someone who didn't even live here. I hate how stressful and paranoid they make me feel just from their basic existence. Like everything probably fine, but it's hard not to feel that way.
I heard of hexbear through lemmygrad last year. What made me stay was being able to talk about when my mom died last year or being able to vent about various stuff here. That I wasn't able to elsewhere, last year wasn't, really great.
It's the most serious of combinations!
You know what they say, the best defense is a good... swiftness. You don't need a shield if you can't be hit! Besides, can earth do this?
Are you kidding me? Air can erode earth! Just takes.. millions of years, but with that power to erode Earth itself, air is best for shield. It will erode any attack in eons!
I dunno, I think anyone not doing the wind shield combo is deeply unserious
I just wanted to mention but people forum is doing a live stream kind of related to this, but kind of wrapping up at moment of typing this, but titled "Why The Democrats Failed, How Trump Won, What Is To Be Done?" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQQOJjj5O9c
How? considering some of the names on that like Claudia De la Cruz?
·12 days agoventing about health stuff cw: issues related to eating
I seriously don't know what is up lately, but today and yesterday I been having some trouble breathing. I can't be on my feet for long. It's not too bad, I'm fine if im sitting. If it's not that, it like, when I go to eat or drink again, I start to feel very sick for hours that I end up not wanting to fulfill those needs much. Again, since this happen quite a bit last year/earlier this year, and it's back again. And lately I just feel so fatigued and tired. Like yesterday, I woke up, for like an hour, only to feel like it was too much and immediately went back to sleep for like six more hours, but maybe that just stemming from all the past sleep deprivation in the past. If not that, I keep getting random pain
but I am tired of pretty much feeling awful.
I hate this country. If it not with the blame it's other ones like I saw some takes where some are like "enjoy deportation" and like what the fuck. I would like to see those shitheads go tell that to me or my dad or grandma.
like here
Show
I'm not much either and Marx's examples just confuse me more. I did try to read this to see if I was missing anything https://themarxistproject.medium.com/marxs-theory-of-ground-rent-9495bcb93198
and this just seems to be the important part from that article?