Never select a running mate named President. Too ambitious imo

: it’s moving to a subscription-based system

got his ass

I am as left as they come, I am as right as they come, I am as center as they come. As a New Yorker, I am as Muslim as they come, I am as Jewish as they come. I am as Black as they come, I am as gay as they come. I am as disabled as they come. I am as woman seeking to control her health and her choices as they come.

orange man big

I will simply refuse to acknowledge the time change next fall. I will show up to everything one hour early and leave one hour early. I will lead humanity by example

This dude blatantly cheating on a social work exam was the straw that broke the camel's back

As someone who has read the entire Bible in a past life: a LLM summary would have been better for most of it tbh

There were more than a few prayers in which I apologized to God Almighty for completely losing interest while reading the Holy Word that he worked so hard on

It got awkward when the votes went one way and the decision went the other way

All I want for Xmas is a PSP

Wow I can't believe there are so many Russian bots on IG and also in the American electorate

That's... much better, actually

Your first million-chip hand is right around the corner, friend! Perhaps in the very next run! Don't stop don't ever stop

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this machine kills fascists

• staring into the middle distance for 20-40 minutes as existential dread washes over you in endless waves, each one eroding a bit of your will to live and carrying it out into oblivion
• video game

Balatro and Vampire Survivors, as usual. My wife and I are trying to enjoy the Diablo IV expansion, but the new class isn't clicking for either of us yet.

Finally got into the stratosphere in Balatro recently and will continue chasing this high:

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First, this was exactly what my daughters needed to shake themselves out of a grumpy morning, so thank you for sharing this

Second, here are the Objectively Correct Answers, in order of correctness:

• Wind shield: Blocking and deflecting blows isn't cool. You know what's cool? Sending your stupid assailant flying backwards complete with ragdoll physics. Most importantly, you can flip your wind shield over and use it as a hoverboard.
• Thunder bow: Lightning is awesome as long as it's sufficiently far away from you. Making lightning strike wherever an arrow can reach? Super impressive and solves many potential problems before they become actual, in-your-face problems.
• Earth knuckles: When you punch someone in the face, do you want to zap them? Freeze them? Make them damp? No. You want to punch someone in the face with the power of a falling boulder. You want to hear that "earth cracking" sound effect.
• Fire whip: You're the person at the party with the devil sticks. You're the person who holds a pose just a hair too long when entering a room. You were born to wield the fire whip.
• Ice spear: We're doing crowd control here. We're freezing our enemies before they can close in on us. We're surrounding ourselves with statues of things that wish us harm.
• Poison claws: The only unanimous decision in our family. (We have two cats.)
• Nature axe: Creation and destruction. It's, like, a metaphor, man.
• Darkness dagger: Daggers are all about being sneaky. In and out, quick stabby murder before anyone notices. What's better than a little extra cover of darkness for this?
• Light sword: Skyward Sword was an underrated game.
• Water hammer: You've used everything else, now it's time to go back through one last time and do a non-lethal run. Hits like a giant wet sponge.

Just make sure to pronounce “Kamabla” 23 different ways and you’re golden

petite feet

I hardly know ion!