indeed

I have a speech impediment man, It's not my fault

Relateable.

Don't worry, happens all the time.

Thank you so much, comrade. It's so nice to have a place to talk about stuff like this and to have people relate.

As for the searching for stuff thing, point at the surface you want to scan and move your arm as you're scanning.

I think you misread what I said, I don't have much problem searching for stuff, just that I go "autopilot" as well.

I know that it won't get better on its own, most of my mental illness (depression + severe social anxiety) I get from my Mother so I've seen it first hand. I've always had really bad trouble adjusting and learning basic things (proper speech, basic math, reading.) At one point, it was so bad that my teachers wanted to put me on medication to "make me focus in class". My family, especially my Mother always passed it off that I was a "late bloomer" and always saying I'll "get it sometime."

I do online school as well, which I expected to be easier than going to an In-person-school but it was a lot worse because I'm surrounded by things I want to procrastinate with and get distracted with even more.

I do something like autopilot as well.

I do this a lot but I wouldn't really call it autopilot as I don't regularly talk during it. What happens is like I start looking at something and my vision gets kind of blurry around the edges or my entire vision goes blurry. When I start staring/looking at something it's kind of like a focal point I just can't look away. And I guess I start thinking of stuff but I don't really remember what I was thinking about at all. My brain gets kind of cottony. And when I start looking/staring at something I absolutely cannot look away unless I force myself extremely hard. I do this around my family or alone frequently. I do this during conversation too and when I'm expected to talk I only say things like "Okay." or "Yeah."

I never really thought about gaslighting before, thanks for that. I have a really bad memory as well, it's almost like amnesia.

I'm not even really sure what happens when I'm on "autopilot". I've only ever been professionally diagnosed with OCD and Depression It's not really something I ever talk about with my family and they don't really ever recognize it. I've tried to talk about it with my Mother but she downplays it most of the time or scolds me for "turing something small into a problem."

Don't worry you're not talking out of your ass lol. I appreciate anything that anybody can come up with/have an Idea and recognize this.

I do the same thing with my Mother when she tells me to do something, though I do not have ADD. I'm not sure If this is the same thing but If my Mother asks me a question and I guess I answer? But I don't remember saying anything at all. She'll recall to me that I said 'yes' to whatever she inquired me about, but I won't remember answering at all.

As for mental checklists sleeping-wise, I have off-and-on Insomnia and recently came off a "tangent" (Not sure what to call it.) I either didn't get any sleep at all or sleep like 3 hours.

I did/do the same thing in school. I don't have trouble reading very much as well, I can read fast too but when I do I'm not absorbing anything I read so I just stick to reading slowly and "absorbing" it. I have never had an A in a Math class in my life. I always have D-B's because I just cannot get it. My family always tried to help me understand it but I'd always end up crying at the dinner table lol. I don't like listening to Audio Books at all, I don't know why but I just prefer reading instead, even if it's frustrating. I've told my Mother about this problem occasionally randomly in a conversation but she doesn't take it seriously at all and I don't think she'd ever take me to get diagnosed for "something as small as a word problem".

I totally agree! We're definitely on the right track!

I will!

Yeah, unfortunately I can relate.

When I was a kid, I wouldn't touch people or let people touch me at all. It's really is interesting.

Thank you so much for your help, I appreciate it so much! I'll tell the ophthalmologist next time I go!

Thank you so much, comrade!

I would absolutely love to come up with an action plan together, that'd be wonderful!

I'd say it's also intensity of feeling for me as well. If my brother messes around with me, even if it starts out in word fights I'm usually the one to escalate it into physicality. I'm young and don't have many friends outside my family so I don't frequently have conversations like the one you exemplified, but yesterday I was "fighting" with my brother and I guess he thought the interaction was over but I continued to agitate him by touching him I guess. I pinched his arm and he got irritated and told me "Stop touching me, and get out." I felt embarrassed and did so.

And, oh my lord I did the exact same thing as a child. When I was maybe 7--9 I hated being touched by other kids, even by my friends. I fell down at recess A LOT. I vividly remember as a child at parent conferences my mother would be talking to the teacher and I'd be next to her and she'd put her arm on my shoulder (you know, how parents do.) and It'd make me want to crawl out of my skin so I'd inch away quietly. As I grew up I still didn't like being touched, but started touching people slowly. like hugging my family or patting my brother on the back, yet flinch and walk away when they try to do the same to me.

I would absolutely be so happy to make a "strategy" I guess, and learn why this happens, I was so happy that someone related to this!

I've been to the eye doctor and they said I have an astigmatism in my left eye. It's not interfering with my day-to-day life yet, they said it's genetic and still forming.

Absolutely randomly. It just springs on sometimes. I have done online/home school since I was in the 7th grade, so it gets extremely frustrating a lot of the time, for example; I'll be reading a book I'm really into and I'll read a simple sentence, and it won't make sense at all.

I have really bad trouble in my English classes as well. I got held back a grade because of it and did the exact same thing. I frequently had breakdowns at school because I couldn't understand a very simple question.

It's quite confusing, Isn't it? Thank you so much for your input though! Any "diagnosis" would be incredibly helpful. I've been doing research as to what this could be for as long as I can remember it starting.

Thank you so much, that's so comforting lol.

Those were my first two posts, so I was so insecure!

I'm not sure it is dyslexia. I have quite decent grammar and don't regularly make mistakes in my writing. I don't read or write slowly either, but I do have trouble pronouncing my Rs because I don't roll them, and I have a speech impediment as I stutter.