I'm a trans woman working in cybersec for a big actor of the military industrial complex.
It's my first job. I was desperate for a job. I couldn't go back to university because of the rampant transphobia, and I couldn't do sex work anymore because of my deteriorating mental health.
I was lured in with open source and medical projects. Then I was sent to work for those missile selling tucks. I was promised a new assignment, again and again.
7 months in and I want to kill myself.
My life was good. I finally got the body I wanted. I'm in a loving relationship. I got fun hobbies and caring friends. But 7 months of this shit just ruined it all.
Benzos and antidepressants didn't work. Therapy didn't work. Sick leaves didn't work. I don't know what will. I'm so ready to give up on it all.
haven't worked in a week. I'm on sick leave for depression. I'm going to run out of money. I have loans to pay back and rent to pay. I can't afford to live. I literally cannot afford life.
I'm 21. I did everything I was told. I did everything right. Yet where's my fucking future?
Graduated from high school with honours. Studied chemistry at uni. At 19 I was already working in a government lab developing molecular dynamics software. At 21 I was hired as a cybersec engineer for the military industrial complex. I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT
Yet where's my fucking future?
I barely earn enough to make ends meet. I'm underpaid and overworked. I'm suicidal because of my bullshit job and have to choose between quitting and saving my mental health or working and losing my fucking home.
I just got halfway through the month and my account is already in the red. I'm in debt, I can't afford therapy, ADHD is killing me and so is benzo withdrawal.
The world's on fire and the kids are starving. And meanwhile I'm paid like shit by those missile making tucks expected to smile when I'm granted my fucking scoop.
I hate everything about capitalism. My job made me suicidal.
I will not know happiness until the last bureaucrat will be strangled with the bowels of the last capitalist.
Poverty is artificial.
Famine is artificial.
Homelessness is artificial.
Misery is artificial.
Work is slavery
Landlords are parasites
All cops are fucking bastards
I'm so tired of this shit. The 9 to 5. I've been a devout anarchist for over a year now. And I feel hopeless.
edit: she/her please
Edit2: Just so we're clear and all you privileged fucks stop shitting on me for my job:
I'm a trans woman.
I have crippling ADHD.
I am autistic.
I grew up in a slum on an island near Madagascar running away with my family from a cult trying to get us back in.
Me and my sister got raped by pedophile neighbors from age 8-10.
My tran got kicked out at 18.
I got kicked out of uni and it's dorm because of transphobia.
I had to couch hop and suck dick to afford basic necessities.
So before you tell me I'm part of the fucking problem, check your privilege. And fuck off. I'd rather keep this trash job than go back to the streets. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE OUT THERE FOR A DISABLED TRANS GIRL.
This the post you're talking about?
Or this one?
CW: CSA
Have a little empathy.