She raped me at least three times, I can't remember how many times exactly. The first time she did so was the first time I've ever been raped while conscious and not barely struggling to not black out. I brought it up to her once and she lied straight to my face and said that's not what happened. But she knew exactly what I was talking about because there was a slight pause, uncomfortable look on her face, and a glance away from our eye contact when I told her, before she said she had no idea what I was talking about. Honestly, I think this might have hurt me just as much as being raped by her did. This was the first time I have ever seen her knowingly lie to me while being in control of her emotions

The rest of relationship was also just full of her screaming at me about various little things like not wanting to cancel plans with my friends to go on a date with her (I saw her almost every single day for hours), not "walking her home" from my dorm to her dorm (same floor, and this wasn't like, right after we had sex or anything either), saying good things about another female friend I had, not wanting to take a same class as her because I wanted to take other classes, not immediately picking up my phone whenever she calls me, not replying to her messages within the hour. So many other things that I can't remember and honestly, I don't want to try and recall those memories with her anyways so I'll just leave it at that

I don't miss her or love her still but I still care deeply for her and hope that she lives the best life that she can lol. fml