Found out we're doing a mandatory active-shooter training at work. It'll be "non interactive" which I guess means no fake guns or practice takedowns or whatever they do to scare people. At least one of my coworkers has already expressed adamant opposition to this, so I have at least one ally. I'd be more opposed if I were going to have fake guns pointed at me, but if it's just sitting in a room listening to someone talk, I don't mind being paid to listen to their bullshit. Anyway, beyond what I've said, I don't know much about these trainings, so what are some funny ways I could derail it? Don't hold back
Pretend to have really bad digestive problems. Take frequent bathroom breaks that day, and deliberately miss the first 5 minutes in the bathroom. As you enter, announce that you're having the worst gas of your life, and apologize to the people around you. Keep a whoopie cushion in your underwear so you can "let one rip" every few minutes.