I'm also affected a lot by toxic masculinity. I think one thing that's not pointed out as often is that older boys and men are not only not allowed to express their emotions outside of anger but also that they are not allowed to love unashamedly. Bell Hooks writes that men in a patriarchal society are seen as the dominator in the relationship (love for the patriarch is always assumed), therefore, to say "I love you" is tantamount to relinquishing that domination, even for just a moment.
I don't think I've said I love you to anyone for years and realizing that is shocking.
it is, isn't it? I had a really rough couple days recently and had a similar realization. I was able to say I love you to my friend who talked me through it all, and have it not be weird but even then I held onto a lot of tension about whether it would come off the wrong way or whatever, when there was really no chance of that, from both context and from our personal history.
I'm also affected a lot by toxic masculinity. I think one thing that's not pointed out as often is that older boys and men are not only not allowed to express their emotions outside of anger but also that they are not allowed to love unashamedly. Bell Hooks writes that men in a patriarchal society are seen as the dominator in the relationship (love for the patriarch is always assumed), therefore, to say "I love you" is tantamount to relinquishing that domination, even for just a moment.
I don't think I've said I love you to anyone for years and realizing that is shocking.
it is, isn't it? I had a really rough couple days recently and had a similar realization. I was able to say I love you to my friend who talked me through it all, and have it not be weird but even then I held onto a lot of tension about whether it would come off the wrong way or whatever, when there was really no chance of that, from both context and from our personal history.