Seriously the stories I've read about dudes threatening to drive to womens house and murder them or something over rejections is insane.
Have any of the ladies here had to deal with a psychopath like that?
Seriously the stories I've read about dudes threatening to drive to womens house and murder them or something over rejections is insane.
Have any of the ladies here had to deal with a psychopath like that?
I know this is a "first world problems" aspect, but it makes it such a pain figuring out how to ask someone out in a way that will minimize the chance they will think I'm one of those
Yeah there's just no way you can convey this except vibes but boy can the right vibes be hard to convey if you're already nervous
yeah theres something to be said about trying to not care about the outcome. i know its hard for some people but it does make everything smoother for everyone
yeah its mostly vibes. in general, a crowded, social place or a history of comfortably knowing each other makes me less skittish about guys approaching me. obviously im going to reject them cause im with my bf but its not concerning i think. being mindful of your positioning (re: dont physically back a woman into a corner to ask her out) and distance is also appreciated.
but this also is problematic in that bars and so on are very commercialized and expensive. if we had a normal society this wouldnt be an issue. closest thing to a 'free' place to hang out is a dating app or social media, lmao. theres also a lot of creeps at bars (need guarding drinks and so on) so people are more on guard.
Thanks for the pro tips
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They don't care if it affects other men though. They're just selfish fuckers. Incels will go around killing random men and neo nazis go around killing random white children. I know that stalkers and creepy men aren't an exclusively right wing problem, though it heavily is, but the selfish part applies to these people as well. They'll complain about how no one takes men's mental health seriously or male loneliness or whatever else - and they may all be legitimate issues - but then they turn around and do everything to make those problems even worse for the rest of us because they simply don't care about anyone or anything but their own desires.
deleted cuz it seemed crass to center this on men's perspectives. After thinking about it a bit more, I think men's bad behavior is mostly not explained by selfish defection from a common gender interest, and you can't use a solidarity type argument with them unless you really are on the same side and they're just confused and haven't worked through their upbringing. These men want sexist relationships where men have all the power and women have to settle. Hurting women, etc., makes it more difficult for men and women to have good relationships where they engage as equals, but further compels women to "settle" with a guy who's like, pushy but not violent. From their perspective they're carrying out traditional gender roles and making it easier for other men to do the same thing; the men who don't want this are not fellow men but traitors.
Calling women slurs or otherwise acting pissy when rejected is to protect their self-image: I'm a real man, so if she rejects me she must not be a good woman. Date/acquaintance/etc rape and general interpersonal creepiness is a symptom of their learned disregard of women as people / entitlement to women as objects; they are in the habit of pushing boundaries and often admit that they sometimes take a "no" to mean "yes".
I don't think that selfishness is important to understand mass shootings; rather those are justified as noble last stands (the ideal man is transcendent through his works) on behalf of "traditional" values against a corrupt system. So the random men that incels kill are thought to be chads or normies, part of the system, and the white people that neonazis kill are aiding the enemy by going to a black church or whatev.