I have to admit that this lady is great/terrible at describing how shitty it feels to be a bumbling person doing stupid things then having to wallow in shame. The excessive, florid wordiness going on at dreary length, and totally WROINGLY thinking anybody fucking cares about the minutia of her thought process, that there would be any insight to be gained, adds to the effect. it's like, an onomatopoeia... it sounds like what it is. Even though I will never in my life have 50k for someone to scam from me, I relate to this. 50k individual, smaller, but still awful decisions I've made in my life and this is how it feels.

When I woke up the next morning, a few seconds passed before I remembered the previous day. I was my old self, in my old bed, milky dawn light on the walls. Then it all came crashing back, a fresh humiliation, and I curled into the fetal position. I felt violated, unreliable; I couldn’t trust myself. [...] I imagined other people’s reactions. She’s always been a little careless. She seems unhinged. I considered keeping the whole thing a secret. I worried it would harm my professional reputation. I still do.