I call myself “ostensibly cishet” because I look very much like a straight man, but I certainly don’t feel like a man and live in an area where my life would be destroyed if I referred to myself as something else

My use of language in the above sucks, but as a kid, I would always hang out at “the girls table” or in “the girls section” because the guys would always pick on me. It’s made life super difficult because when I meet a friend who is a woman now and ask them to hangout, their assumption is always that I want a partnership.

I literally only have one female friend who isn’t like this. It’s gotta be the fucking patriarchy right

Anyways, it’s so fucking lonely.

Why are apps only for people looking to fuck/get into relationships :/

  • OgdenTO [he/him]
    ·
    9 months ago

    I have exactly zero friends who are traditionally masculine men, and I would say nearly all of friends are fem-presenting. I do have male friends, but they are cool, gentle, nerdy people. Recently I have realized that I don't like being referred to as a "man", but I do feel like a male, whatever that means. I do have male friends, but I am most comfortable among women. I wonder recently if this is just a rejection of patriarchy, rather than a gender dysphoria, like, I just don't like hanging around men because frankly they're rude, obnoxious, and misogynist. And I don't like being called a man because that would posit me within that group.

    Anyway, just some thoughts.

    • Dirt_Owl [comrade/them, they/them]
      ·
      9 months ago

      Everytime cis white male coworkers think only cis white men are listening the things they say blows my mind.

      Like admitting to cheating, sexist comments, racism, transphobia etc.

      I remember hearing one guy boast about installing a tracking app on his girlfriends phone.

      You know what women coworkers say when they think men aren't listening?

      "My boyfriend said I was getting fat, I need to lose weight." -Actual thing a woman coworker has said to me

      • RyanGosling [none/use name]
        ·
        9 months ago

        I’m not even white. But conservative/libertarian white guys (and sometimes non white guys) will start telling their insane views and complaints within like 2 days of knowing me. It must be because I’m Asian because sometimes they’ll lower their voice and look behind their back at a room full of other white people/conservatives before turning back to me and saying some stupid bullshit. Like dog I got small eyes, and that’s enough for you to assume that I agree with your annoying ass 💀

      • IzyaKatzmann [he/him]
        ·
        9 months ago

        yup, why the heck are these guys talking to me about how they 'manage' their wives/girlfriends?? and why suggest i do that stuff when i mention some troubles i have in my relationship???

    • hmmm [any, they/them]
      ·
      9 months ago

      i've recently read a tumblr post which resonated with me, but can't find anymore. It was something like this:

      Men perform violence against non-men, but also, the way men exist can only exist because men perform violence against non-men. Dismantling patriarchical violence therefore also means dismantling manliness as we know it.

      I don't really have deeper analysis than this, so also just some thought :)

      edit: found the post