I know I made a highlight thread yesterday but I have to extra-highlight this bit. this is shit a five year old would think was an own, and it's made worse since Norm clearly isn't putting in effort serving up name distortions to this freakazoid but here he's 100% trying to be clever. he's trying to do wordplay. he's failing 
Alas, I have bested thee in the common court of rhetorical contest. As per tradition, you are hereby requested to send, via telephonic communications, four "gift cards" of the Apple variant -- equal in value to no less than 100 U.S. dollars, of course!
I will also accept two(2) fandango/olive garden dinner and a movie combo gift card packs.