It's ruining my life. And the irony is it's the only way to dissociate from bad things. At least it seems like that's the only way. Feels like the snake that eats its own tail.
Edit: thank you all for the good advice and support. It means a lot. I love my comrades. 
Agree with other people here. Stopping cold turkey can be incredibly dangerous, so rehab is very helpful if that's an option. If it's not, AA is a helpful starting point to build community. I don't like all the God stuff, but the community aspect of AA can be helpful. You will need to also address various bits of trauma or mental health to get at the root of why you are drinking and build healthier coping mechanisms. A psychiatrist would be a good start here as others said.