It's ruining my life. And the irony is it's the only way to dissociate from bad things. At least it seems like that's the only way. Feels like the snake that eats its own tail.
Edit: thank you all for the good advice and support. It means a lot. I love my comrades. 
For me, it was a week in a state run facility. 7 months now. Different things work for different people, but always happy to be an ear if you need
Proud of you for even recognizing this!