It's ruining my life. And the irony is it's the only way to dissociate from bad things. At least it seems like that's the only way. Feels like the snake that eats its own tail.
Edit: thank you all for the good advice and support. It means a lot. I love my comrades. 
Yeah I know a guy that said he was straight hooked and if you have issues with abusing pain killers then I would recommend against it, I just personally never had those issues even after dosing a couple times a day for most of a year. There seems to be a real cutoff point where I get a lot of positives from it until I increase the dosage and then I'm nauseous/drowsy.