It's ruining my life. And the irony is it's the only way to dissociate from bad things. At least it seems like that's the only way. Feels like the snake that eats its own tail.
Edit: thank you all for the good advice and support. It means a lot. I love my comrades. 
For me, the sum of the vices is constant. Replace it with weed or better yet training or something. Weed is great to substitute alcohol, you really don't feel like drinking just get the munchies.