As someone with a filthy mouth, not that filthy.. I tend to swear a lot.. I'm also very autistic I feel you.. I also know what it's like to want to hide and withdraw when you feel like dogshit. I'm only back after a long hiatus because I was going through something similar.. it's easy to withdraw. But I'm glad you posted or at least were able to voice it.. It's one of the hardest things to do. Just know you aren't alone and there are people here who are going through similar things or have done.. you aren't alone and always welcome here