Yeah this has to be extremely prevalent. Whenever I see a couple whose socio-political beliefs are counter to each other, I wonder how anyone could spend their lives with people who ideologically hate them…
It would make sense that it was a bait and switch and sunken cost kicked in. “Stay together for the kids” type situations or worse.
I absolutely have no idea how these people make it work. I couldn't date anyone to the right of democratic socialism, and even that may be being generous. Truly revolutionary, radical leftists are obviously what I'm hoping for.
My wife is more of a left-lib or a social democrat then anything else, but then so was I when we met. It's doable if you are compatible in other ways. Although I certainly understand wanting to prioritize politics, it's also sadly true that having good politics doesn't necessarily make someone compatible with you for a variety of other reasons, and (only speaking for myself) people who I really connect with on a deep level and who I am also romantically interested in are already exceedingly rare.
I agree, but this is kind of a "squares and rectangles" type of deal for me. Although not everyone who aligns with my politics will be compatible with me, anyone who is truly compatible with me will have a decent degree of alignment with my politics.
I speak from experience, as my former partner with whom I recently broke up was a lot more libby than I am for sure, and that was a major contributing factor to our breakup, among other things. I had no doubt that she had her heart in the right place for whatever she believed politically, but it's something that I just could not see myself having any negotiability on. Mind you, I loved and admired her very deeply, but once these differences entered the frame, that love began to dwindle more and more with time.
Everyone's different in how they handle their own view of compatibility, so it's not something that could be universally applicable across all people in the dating scene. Some people will care a lot about having political compatibility to a point where anything else is a dealbreaker, and others are a lot more relaxed about it, to a point where I've heard of socialists dating conservatives.
For me? My existence is insanely "political," being black, neurodivergent, non-binary, pansexual, transfeminine, etc. These intersections politicized my existence so much that I wasn't able to hate myself or even remotely perceive myself as a human being deserving of basic rights and respect until I embraced radical leftism, and I'd like nothing besides a partner who espouses the same or similar ideals.
others are a lot more relaxed about it, to a point where I've heard of socialists dating conservatives.
This is something I truly cannot imagine
These intersections politicized my existence so much that I wasn't able to hate myself or even remotely perceive myself as a human being deserving of basic rights and respect until I embraced radical leftism, and I'd like nothing less than a partner who espouses the same or similar ideals.
Totally understandable! I hope you find the radical partner of your dreams
Agreed, back when I was using dating apps I had to make it clear what I was on about politically because I wasn’t gonna waste my time going on dates with anyone that didn’t allign with me.
Though I can understand wariness around men for sure, I'm not entirely sure if female separatism is anything but a niche. It frightens me too because it often comes with bioessentialist ideas that are not only transphobic but homophobic and biphobic as well. It's also an overwhelmingly white tendency as well, ignoring that the racism that women of color experience from white "feminists" makes separatism not as ideal as it is in the shortsighted view of privileged liberal white women.
Also, to be honest, I don't know if any female separatist organizations put into practice were ever actually trans-inclusive, and even if they were, it raises concerning questions when you go beyond trans women and start thinking about where trans men and non-binary people factor into that kind of stuff. Excluding trans men, for instance, is "affirming," but it neglects the fact that they are deeply oppressed by patriarchy despite being men.
Female separatism has always had this "women distancing themselves from men" standpoint without a coherent analysis of intersectionality across race and genderqueer identity, and it has even consisted of heterosexual women who feign lesbianism especially since the height of such movements took place during a time where people didn't properly comprehend that sexual orientation is not a choice.
Some women of color have made this criticism that I made about race regarding the fact that white women are members of a privileged race, so they themselves do not need to find solidarity in fighting against living through racism, but women of color absolutely need to do that, and that often means finding solidarity in fighting racism with men who are the same marginalized race as them. This is why womanist groups were seldom, if ever, fond of separatism to give an example.
I was out with some colleagues, most of them younger than me. there was a discussion about their husbands doing dumb stuff and how they, as a couple, had already had "the talk" about how their lives were far too entertwined with multiple kids, assets and finances to ever consider divorce anymore. it was so grim to me. I made a joke about "Metal Marriage... til DEATH do us part" and got laughs.
also, being older, I've known people who said the same shit and were divorced like 5 years later.
as a child of divorced parents, the way some people talk about their marriages gives me anxiety.
Yeah this has to be extremely prevalent. Whenever I see a couple whose socio-political beliefs are counter to each other, I wonder how anyone could spend their lives with people who ideologically hate them…
It would make sense that it was a bait and switch and sunken cost kicked in. “Stay together for the kids” type situations or worse.
I absolutely have no idea how these people make it work. I couldn't date anyone to the right of democratic socialism, and even that may be being generous. Truly revolutionary, radical leftists are obviously what I'm hoping for.
My wife is more of a left-lib or a social democrat then anything else, but then so was I when we met. It's doable if you are compatible in other ways. Although I certainly understand wanting to prioritize politics, it's also sadly true that having good politics doesn't necessarily make someone compatible with you for a variety of other reasons, and (only speaking for myself) people who I really connect with on a deep level and who I am also romantically interested in are already exceedingly rare.
I agree, but this is kind of a "squares and rectangles" type of deal for me. Although not everyone who aligns with my politics will be compatible with me, anyone who is truly compatible with me will have a decent degree of alignment with my politics.
I speak from experience, as my former partner with whom I recently broke up was a lot more libby than I am for sure, and that was a major contributing factor to our breakup, among other things. I had no doubt that she had her heart in the right place for whatever she believed politically, but it's something that I just could not see myself having any negotiability on. Mind you, I loved and admired her very deeply, but once these differences entered the frame, that love began to dwindle more and more with time.
Everyone's different in how they handle their own view of compatibility, so it's not something that could be universally applicable across all people in the dating scene. Some people will care a lot about having political compatibility to a point where anything else is a dealbreaker, and others are a lot more relaxed about it, to a point where I've heard of socialists dating conservatives.
For me? My existence is insanely "political," being black, neurodivergent, non-binary, pansexual, transfeminine, etc. These intersections politicized my existence so much that I wasn't able to hate myself or even remotely perceive myself as a human being deserving of basic rights and respect until I embraced radical leftism, and I'd like nothing besides a partner who espouses the same or similar ideals.
This is something I truly cannot imagine
Totally understandable! I hope you find the radical partner of your dreams
Agreed, back when I was using dating apps I had to make it clear what I was on about politically because I wasn’t gonna waste my time going on dates with anyone that didn’t allign with me.
I literally know several married women in my life that are still together with their husbands for that exact reason.
To the point where that seems to be more common than not... scary to think about.
And we wonder why so many women are choosing to avoid marriage altogether
Though I can understand wariness around men for sure, I'm not entirely sure if female separatism is anything but a niche. It frightens me too because it often comes with bioessentialist ideas that are not only transphobic but homophobic and biphobic as well. It's also an overwhelmingly white tendency as well, ignoring that the racism that women of color experience from white "feminists" makes separatism not as ideal as it is in the shortsighted view of privileged liberal white women.
That makes a lot of sense. I didn't think of that.
Also, to be honest, I don't know if any female separatist organizations put into practice were ever actually trans-inclusive, and even if they were, it raises concerning questions when you go beyond trans women and start thinking about where trans men and non-binary people factor into that kind of stuff. Excluding trans men, for instance, is "affirming," but it neglects the fact that they are deeply oppressed by patriarchy despite being men.
Female separatism has always had this "women distancing themselves from men" standpoint without a coherent analysis of intersectionality across race and genderqueer identity, and it has even consisted of heterosexual women who feign lesbianism especially since the height of such movements took place during a time where people didn't properly comprehend that sexual orientation is not a choice.
Some women of color have made this criticism that I made about race regarding the fact that white women are members of a privileged race, so they themselves do not need to find solidarity in fighting against living through racism, but women of color absolutely need to do that, and that often means finding solidarity in fighting racism with men who are the same marginalized race as them. This is why womanist groups were seldom, if ever, fond of separatism to give an example.
I was out with some colleagues, most of them younger than me. there was a discussion about their husbands doing dumb stuff and how they, as a couple, had already had "the talk" about how their lives were far too entertwined with multiple kids, assets and finances to ever consider divorce anymore. it was so grim to me. I made a joke about "Metal Marriage... til DEATH do us part" and got laughs.
also, being older, I've known people who said the same shit and were divorced like 5 years later.
as a child of divorced parents, the way some people talk about their marriages gives me anxiety.
That's why I'm scared of ever becoming a father.
It’s terrifying honestly…
My mom moved hundreds of miles away as soon as my sister graduated high school 🙃