I used to do this. I obsessed over people who were uninterested in me and mistreated people who clearly WERE interested in me. It’s death drive. Everything is death drive. Unconsciously we want to fail. One of these I really regret because she was cool, nice, fun, and hot, but my friends made fun of the idea of us being together (this was in high school, she was kind of nerdy, she worked backstage while my friends and I were actors (I know)) so I chickened out and stopped talking with her. I wish I could apologize to her now although probably she would rightfully tell me to go fuck myself. This was twenty years ago.

It took me a long time to kind of figure out both myself and the people around me, and the journey never really ends, but eventually you’ll find someone you’re crazy about and then this behavior of yours will be a thing of the past.