The fuck? Do I want to date or not? What is wrong with me?
Shit is dangerous to do, I've had guys get very pissed at me for this behaviour.
If you take the volcel pledge, you can dedicate your life to revolution
first off, obviously those guys suck so bullet dodged. flirting is fun on its own, if people get legit mad at you for flirting and not going any further that tells you all you need to know about them.
second, idk comrade, it might be a good idea to talk to like a therapist or whatever and see if they can help you isolate whether you want to date or under what conditions you'd be interested in it. sounds like a task for somebody who studies people to me
I've literally been in a conversation and it's going great, we're completely into it; and then I realize holy shit we're totally into it. At which point all kinds of alarm bells go off in my psyche, I get nervous, start to blush, sweat, stutter. Thanks brain. Lol
I don't know why I have such a harder time flirting with men than I do with women or enbies. Like, whyyyyyy
Hey comrade, I have been on the other side of something analogous; an ex did this to me. Don't want to go into detail but in short: it can be merely kinda annoying and confusing when someone you flirt with does it, but it's downright devastating when you've been dating someone for months and then all of a sudden they say they love you and then disappear because "love" is a scary thing and they're afraid to love someone. I was pissed at her; even though I understood she was probably just dealing with some serious trauma she also really hurt and violated me.
Best advice I can give you is: If you are exhibiting this behavioral pattern, please don't date until you get your shit sorted out because you're going to hurt someone. It's dangerous to others, and it may even be dangerous to you, because it's pretty natural for people to end up hating someone who hurts them badly. I seriously wish that ex had known she did this and hadn't dated me, and even though I know she was coming from a place of deep trauma I absolutely hold a grudge for what she put me through. It sounds like you're giving mixed messages before even getting together instead of months down the line so it's not quite the same, but the pattern is there -- you're just doing a milder form of it.
I'm not going to tell you to get therapy because a lot of therapists are actively harmful capitalist liberals, but it's good you're asking these questions and trying to figure it out. Have you been in abusive relationships before which may make it scary to get close to someone?
it's downright devastating when you've been dating someone for months and then all of a sudden they say they love you and then disappear because "love" is a scary thing and they're afraid to love someone. I was pissed at her; even though I understood she was probably just dealing with some serious trauma she also really hurt and violated me.
Are you me? Geez, same shit happened to me also. Only we had known each other and been friends for years prior to dating. Our big mouths tell each other ILY but that was the death blow for our relationship because she got scared too and disappeared. Like yours, she was also dealing with relationship trauma. I was pissed but said nothing because I too understood. But man, I live with that hurt too so I feel you on that.
Ouch that sounds heartbreaking, to have been friends for years and then date and then that happen </3 That's awful. Sorry that happened to you too but thank you for sharing, it helps me feel less alone with it.
It's weird, it's a pain that really lingers well past the desire to be with a person (it took some time but at this point I don't even like her or want anything to do with her now after she hurt me so bad). There's kind of a systemic factor at play too -- people get so traumatized by the general sexism and shittiness of society and then are too broken to make healthy connections and pass their pain on to others. Took me quite a while and a lot of processing before I could open up to anyone else and even consider dating again after what she put me through.
I hope you're doing better now
Hey Com, that's what we're here for. Knowing that "I'm not alone" is that 1st step to clearing out the hurt.
I tried dating again recently and I wasn't feeling it. I know in the back of my head I was comparing those other women to her. For now, I'm just gonna work on me and leave dating alone.
That's rough but I commend you for realizing you need to just focus on yourself for now, that's the right call to prevent hurting someone else. I hope you get to a better place and find the right person / people for you when the time is right!
To atone for your sins, tomorrow you're going to wake up as an incredibly hot woman.
I tried dating ages ago and dated loads of people but everytime I got there I just wasn't that into and would think "damn i really could be playing bloodborne rn". I then discovered I had no interest in dating randos and wanted someone I actually cared about to appear which oddly enough happened about a month after I decided to stop with dating.
For me I can only date someone I already know very well. This does infact demolish my dating pool but once I realised this I was much happier and played more Bloodborne.
Idk if this helps at all but all i can do is share my experience maybe yours may line up?
I've also found I can flirt easily with people I'm not interested in but the second someone i think is hot flirts i shut down mentally and cease being able to speak then run away.
The secret is to date someone who you can play Bloodborne with.
In fact, forget the dating
wanted someone I actually cared about to appear which oddly enough happened about a month after I decided to stop with dating.
how did it happen?
Guy I met at work years ago I was very fond of and was friends with through shared work trauma. Ended up moving in together and some nights we'd drink and he'd listen to my rambles and then it got gay after doing some wholesome friendly spooning like you do with your friends. He's the only person in my life I have a deep trust for and the rest was just luck I guess.
Oof my cynical crusty heart is revealing its soft romantic core
It can be hard
Personally, I always had problems telling when someone was interested so I never picked up on signals only to realize much later what they were putting down
So yeah, I was George from that one episode of Seinfeld but for about... 6 years?
Lucky me, my current partner was very forward with her intent
Yeah I dunno. It’s been a while since I’ve dated anyone. I find dating now of days to just be confusing and I’m terrible at it.
I would just advise against it until you're sure you're ready. At least Ime working towards a relationship when I wasn't fully ready never worked out well for either party.
I mean you know you, I'm just some guy crapping my pants on the internet
Maybe it's partially because a lot of guys have expectations... Or at least we assume they do, for our own safety. 😕
Dunno. I think it's normal that guys need to be very chill with their partner until they're actually in a relationship. I'll usually try to be super polite to a woman until things are already pretty physical. I don't think you're strange for being fearful of men, it seems like a normal thing. Although maybe I'm pretty conservative in regards to relationships.
Do you have a sense of what the fear is based on? What goes through your mind at those times?
I would suggest you respect your feelings and focus on having good friendship experiences, building up emotional comfort and security to overflowing - you'll need enough to spare if you're to establish a relationship with a human being who will have their own ups and downs anyway, and it is of course a good gift to give yourself if you decide the dating pool can wait.
