UPDATED VERSION BASED ON FEEDBACK:
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I feel like it's a little more clear and uses mainstream terms. Also, great suggestion from @marxisthayaca@hexbear.net to highlight the beauty pageant stuff. Most people are grossed out by child beauty pageants for good reason, and this is especially true on sites like reddit if anyone is planning to share it there.
not leftist enough - needs 12 more paragraphs filled with inscrutable jargon
other than that it's great and I'm stealing it