Love to see a bunch of shit I'm not qualified for and then a bunch of things that don't begin to cover my expenses and feel bad about myself and my circumstances and cry and eventually put one application for a custodian position with the county because what the fuck else will I do
I know if I went back to school and finished a degree it would give me a leg up but I just can't fucking handle the workload of work and school anymore, I feel like such a lazy piece of shit but I just don't have it in me anymore to keep this shit up
Dealing with a lot of dark thoughts today. Very dark.
Theres something very dark and twisted in telling people how high youll jump for them in order to survive. I remember being unemployed last year and doing the dumbest most degrading shit for job interviews.
One literally had me do a math test, which I did poorly at, before being asked to do it again. Then they asked me what I wanted to do for a career, which I told them some generic answer until they kept asking and got a real answer, which I told them ideally Id be a professional musician. Which they didnt like. Go figure.
Like normalize just trying to survive. Come on.
I interviewed for a job years ago that would have involved setting / stocking shelves for a grocery chain, distinctly remember the guy visibly losing interest when I said I hadn't researched the companies mission and core values. Like oh wow I really want to slurp up whatever bullshit the marketing team decided to put up on their website, suck off me.
oh my god, what kind of dork even cares about that shit?
Internally, no one. Externally, also no one. It is entirely in the boundary of preliminary hires and preliminary large scale clients, and nothing else